Thursday, May 03, 2007

If I Were A TapeWorm

Killer, Not afraid to ask the tough questions.

jleonard is a fellow Nurse-with-a-Scrotum that I worked with in Memphis. Scrotum having is a trait only shared by 4% of all nurses, so you tend to stick together. (not literally by the scrotum, but figuratively) He was large to boot, so we had even more in common. (general size, not his scrotum, I never actually saw his scrotum, so keep you mind out of the gutter people.) jleonard jumped on the Five Question band wagon, so check out his answers to my questions by hitting the above link.

I was really proud of one of the questions, so I have decided to ask it of myself, and then get some feedback from you folks about your opinions.

If you could be a tapeworm in the intestine of a celebrity, which celebrity would you choose and why?

Well, brilliant question. Brilliant question indeed. This could be tricky to answer without the proper consideration. It is obvious you would want to avoid any of the pseudo celebrities of Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. I don't think they eat enough to support a young growing tape worm, and the high alcohol intake would wreak havoc on my tape worm liver.

Jleonard chose Rosie Odonnell for her obvious ability to supply a hearty food supply, but I would be concerned with her propensity for public controversy. She must have a high stress level. This could lead to an abundance of stomach acid, and that could be dangerous to myself and my millions of tiny eggs I have just laid near her gall bladder.

I am leaning more towards a laid back, sedentary celebrity like John Goodman. I could probably have a long and luxurious life not only for myself, but for all my potential offspring. It would probably be years before he noticed.

I am going to stick with John Goodman, but I could also accept Jessica Alba. She probably doesn't really eat enough for me and the kids, but she is so hot, I bet the inside of her large intestine is good looking.

Who would you like to spend your tape worm existence inside of?


I Told You So said...

I would have to know more about what environment tapeworms thrive in to be able to intelligently answer the question, "If you were a tapeworm, which celebrity would you want to live in?"

dmarks said...

"If I were a tape worm....". Like from Fiddler in the Roof. Thanks for the earworm.

laughingattheslut said...

Well, if we are basing the decision on food, maybe I'd want to be in one of those celebrity chefs.

Or maybe Rick Steves or someone who's on the travel channel. Sample food from all over the globe.

mist1 said...

I miss my tapeworm. I feel so alone in the world now.

laughingattheslut said...

I remember a thing about a tapeworm that mostly just soaked up alcohol. But I don't remember if it was a real thing or like a Twilight Zone thing.

Those would be cool to give to drunk drivers who kill people. If you ever drink more alcohol than the tapeworm handle, that's too much, and it kills you. No more drunk driver.

Churlita said...

So, how would one purchase a tape worm, if one happened to be interested in that? I hear the opera singer Maria Callas purposedly had a tape worm. Weird.

male nurses should always have a date. The odds are so good.

Jay said...

I think that John Goodman cannot be far from death, plus, who knows how damanged that colon already is?

Babybull40 said...

Let's see.. If I could be a tapeworm...Bob Saget.. cause I think he would be funnier than he is now... or Lindsey Lohan and all her eating disorder buddies.. they would probably thrive between them all..

dmarks said...

Did Maria Carras' tapeworm sing tenor?

Kim said...

I think Winona Judd would make a great host! Probably a great combo of food and booze.