Wednesday, May 16, 2007

OCD is Not For Me

Killer rants after first touching the light switch twelve times, and then shouting shit-balls.

I have known more than my fair share of people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Maybe they are drawn to the health care professions. If you wash your hands here thirty times in twelve hours, you are the model employee, not just some nut job with really dry skin.

I was in school with a girl who would write down EVERYTHING the teacher said. Her notes were excellent, she had all the pertinent information, the semi pertinent information, and if the teacher made any jokes, or someone asked a question, that was included also. She would then come home and make lots of little note cards with that information. I never took notes in nursing school; I would always just go to her house the night before the test and read her note cards. If it were not for her super OCD powers, I would probably be a janitor in an elementary school somewhere.

She was certified OCD, she had medication that she often wouldn’t take, she made her husband vacuum their apartment in perfectly straight lines, and no one was allowed to enter her home with their shoes on. Whenever she balked on letting me use her note cards, I would drag my feet across her carpet and mess up the perfect vacuum lines. She would immediately have to re-vacuum the entire apartment. I would use that time to study.

This all came to mind recently when a co-worker went off the deep end one night and started cleaning everything mercilessly. She was located in one of the back corners. Often in the back corners they will store emergency equipment like carts filled with life-saving medicines, a defibrillator, EKG machines, etc. I looked down the hall and she had pushed all this equipment out the back door and onto the fire escape. She was wiping down the wall with bleach, as if she was about to perform surgery against that wall.

I eased down there and jokingly asked, “Did you forget to take your medicine this morning?” She froze and looked at me, “How did you know I didn’t take my medicine?” I really didn’t have a comeback. I specialize in funny comments, not truthful observations.

Later that night I found her in her patient’s room and she had scrubbed a layer of skin off, and was using a toothbrush to clean the toenails. I decided an intervention was in order. I entered the room, told her to quit trying to sterilize that little old lady.
She took a deep breath, put down the cleaning supplies and stepped outside to talk about it. She basically said she couldn’t seem to feel like anything was clean. As we were talking she actually rolled some tape around her hand and used it to clean the lint of my scrub top. I realized at that point she was hopeless, so I tried to think of way to get her to my place after work. It is a mess over there.

I don’t mind working around the OCD folk. I just wish I could run across a few more Tourettes syndrome people. Those are the ones that can’t control their urge to shout obscenities. That would be loads of fun. I actually have a hard time containing my own urge to fake Tourettes while in public places. I always have an intense desire, when in a packed elevator, to suddenly shout, “Shit, Assholes, Titty!” Everyone will move away from me, or at least as for as a packed elevator will allow. I will then calmly explain to everyone about Tourettes, they will feel sorry for me and then move back closer. When it gets nice and quiet, I will suddenly shout, “Scrotum, Damn, Elephant Vagina!” Everyone will probably get off on the next floor. Deep down they might want to be understanding, but that is a lot of bad words for a small location. Plus, I would probably have farted. That is another strong urge I fight in a crowded elevator.

18 comments:

Jester said...

The way I hear it, you don't fight too hard to resist the urge to fart in elevators.

Babybull40 said...

faring in elevators and OCD and Tourettes.. Imagine the possibilities if you had all three.. Then you would be considered to be handicapped.. I was talking to the Hubby the other day about tourettes.. I was reminded of the movie with Rob Scheider.. Ace Bigalow... that was funny stuff..

wreckless said...

Ever since Candid Camera, and before Jack*s* was around, I have thougth of pulling crazy pranks that would leave people agog.
Your tourettes gig fits right into my type of plans. I wish you would take a tour through GR and maybe some of these would come to fruition.

laughingattheslut said...

Well, you don't really get a choice of you who work with, do you?

But maybe you could look for a roommate with Tourettes.

Babybull40 said...

it was Deuce Bigalow.. and farting..I can't seem to type, talk or walk today..

fringes said...

My stepmom has OCD. She is also a nurse. Anyway, I ask her to iron stuff. It looks awesome! I ask her to "help me" clean my closets. They look awesome! I hide her meds.

mist1 said...

I have a few OCD things that every now and then, in periods of stress take over my life. My friends invite me over just so that I'll tidy up their homes.

I keep trying to get diagnosed with Tourette's, but my doctor just says that I'm rude. Turns out, you really should have a tic as well as screaming obscenities.

Natalie said...

I wish I had OCD, my place is a bit of a mess.

othurme said...

laughingattheslut - I'm thinking Killer will agree with me here, but if you're going to have a roommate with an affliction, the best one would be nymphomania.

dmarks said...

How adding about a blog team member here with Tourette's?

After that, you can add a nymphomaniac too.

laughingattheslut said...

I guess my husband would disagree. He'd want the OCD housecleaning roommate.

othurme said...

Well, see that's different... you said Tourette's in your first comment. Hierarchy is as follows:

Good - Tourettes (it would just be fun)
Better - Nympho (but that can only last for so long)
Best - OCD (cause someone else cleaning for you never gets old)

heather said...

ok, we need to figure out how to get everyone with ocd to agree to a national registary. whenever your house needs cleaning just check the ocd registary for someone in your area and have them come over for a 'therapy session' you could do the same thing with the mypho's i suppose but i'm more interested in the ocd's

Killer said...

How about a Nympho with OCD. She would take extra care to clean my...Wait, this is just deteriorating beyond control.

You people are perverts. You are welcome here.

Anonymous said...

have you checked out the turettes guy dot com site? when he gets chased by bees while mowing the yard and runs away screaming "bobsaget!" i almost pee myself. every time i watch it. every. time.

damn fine comedy there, my friends.

hellohahanarf said...

how about i started laughing thinking of "bob saget!" and forgot to enter my name. sheesh.

(when the tourettes guy backhands the salt shaker off of the table and screams "fucksalt!" he started a new catchphrase in my family. sad, but true.)

laughingattheslut said...

Killer, are you sure that you want the nympho with OCD cleaning the skin off of...little mike?

josiecat said...

ok lets just get one thing straight, I did NOT clean her toe nails with a tooth brush, (I hate feet) I was giving her a manicure.