Meow Mix

Liz puts a price on love:

Loyal readers know that I have two cats, and only two cats, even though Killer likes to exaggerate this fact and say that I have anywhere from 8 to 15 cats. I'm not a crazy cat lady but I do enjoy the attitude and companionship of cats- versus say, dogs or boyfriends. This is continued proof of my superior intelligence.

My cats, as most I would suspect, have unique personalities and quirks. Leon, the cat I love the most, meshes well with my style. He's independent, he likes to hang outside, and he never uses a litter box- it's always the neighbor's flowerbed. Strangely enough most of friends are the same way. I guess that's why I love him so.

Sneaker, on the other hand, was a cat I acquired by sheer force on his part. He showed up one day and the next thing you know he was living with me. He's a beautiful cat, but he's weird. He is quick to bite, he sheds a lot, he stays inside and even when I force him to stay out all day, the second he walks in the door he goes straight to the litter box and leaves a giant stinky shit. But I still like him, I just don't connect to him like I do to Leon.

Sneaker has developed an awful tic. He has started pulling all of his fur out. There are fur balls all over my house. My carpet is layered with cat hair and my Roomba is starting to revolt. It's gotten so bad that he's bald in places and has begun chewing down to his skin, where it will bleed and scab. I've taken him to the vet 3 times over this one issue. We are currently trying a liquid Prozac, which is costing me $55 a month. When I do the math, I realize that this skin condition has thus far cost me around $275. So, my delima becomes WHEN IS ENOUGH ENOUGH?

Some work friends and I were discussing this very issue not long ago. We were debating at what price you put your pet down. D, who has Joe, a 10 year old mut, says $250. I could never go that low, but I understand D's delima. Joe is basically a junk yard dog that D throws food out the back door for. It wasn't until I convinced D that not having Joe fixed was going to ensure that he went to Hell that D even spent any real money on the dog. To let your animal roam around without being fixed is a sin. It says so in the Bible. It's next to the passage about boyfriends being obligated to give back rubs.

S, who has two dogs, Lily and Harry Jiggins, both under two years old, has set his price at $500. Since Harry Jiggins has "papers", S is willing to spend what he thinks the market value of the dog is. Lily just lucked out.

I said that for Leon, at 5 years old and being the light of my life, I would go as high as $1500. That sucks, too, because I sure could use $1500 for some other things in my world. But I love that damn cat. I love him so much that I LURVE him... it's a little crazy, but pet owners understand. Sneaker, on the other hand, I like more than "like" but there isn't really LURVE involved. And I adore kittens. I can't help but be tempted to think that if I could raise another kitten from 6 weeks, like I did Leon, he would be much cooler than Sneaker is. It's nurture, not nature.

I refuse to have more than 2 cats at a time. I refuse to pay for a well-bred cat. I like to think I can save the world one free kitten at a time. I'm a very responsible pet owner and if you ever have the chance to pick what to be reincarnated as, you'd be foolish not to select "One of Liz's Cats" as your top request. I let my cats live life on their terms.

But if you came back as Sneaker, you would be wise to note that I am considering snuffing you out. He's becoming a flabby bag of bones, balding and scabby. We don't know how old he is, but I'm guessing 8 or 9. I just don't know what to do.

Any ideas? Nothing cruel, remember, he's one of my babies. No suggestions of feeding him to the dogs or shaving him and getting it over with. What would YOU do if this were your problem?