Thursday, December 28, 2006

All That AND a Bag of Chips?

Liz Freud writes:

I have been having really vivid dreams this week. I think it's the 10 hour stretches of sleep, followed by 2 hour naps that are provoking this.

I love the dream I had last night. I heard a ruckus outside my bedroom window so I went to the window to see what was going on. There was a leprechaun standing there with a shot gun that had a twisted barrel. It was pointed at me. I don't know much about leprechaun folklore, but this leprechaun was total trash. He must come from Appalachia as his outfit was completed with a
brown and tan foam-stuffed baseball cap and he had awful teeth and a scruffy beard; the kind that can only come from poor nutrition or too much estrogen. He shouted threats and profanity and although the gun did scare me a little, I couldn't get over the fact that this leprechaun was such a scourge.

A thug leprechaun is a delightful way to dream the night away.

In other news, I have pin pointed the difference in men and women. Yesterday I went fishing with some guys from work. They had been at the lake for hours before I had arrived and the cooler was full of bream. Being men, they, of course, had no need to go indoors during any of this fish fest. That means every time they caught a fish, they man handled it. Every time they baited a hook, the cricket guts stayed on their fingers. Every time they peed, the same hand that was just holding their penis spread those dick germs onto the chair and into the cooler.

I can live with all of these things. The problem came when I brought chips and dip. My newly understood clarity comes down to these two points:

1. Bringing chips and dip to a day of fishing is definitely a girl thing to do.
2. Reaching into that bag of chips and eating food with the hands that have your dick germs, cricket guts, lake water and fish shit on them is definitely a guy thing to do.

I used to have these fantasies about a log-cabin hottie; a man's man with brawn and rugged masculinity. The more time I spend around normal guys, the more I want a guy that carries a bottle of Germ-X in his pocket.

I can see how menstruation could be a little freaky to a man, but that's just nature being nature and not by choice. Other than that, what do women do that is totally gross to a guy? I don't understand how I can love my boys as much as I do- they are foul and disgusting creatures, yet I bring them snacks.

I guess it's a matter of needing someone to bait the hook.


Churlita said...

i worked for the department of fish and game and so none of that really bothers me. I think it's just really important not to think to closely about it. If guys did, it would probably gross them out too.

I also used to work in ob/gyn, I could compile a list of things that are gross about women, but you wouldn't have enough time to read it in your lifetime.

Killer said...

Considering any good ole Southern Boy is going to get up around 4 am to go fishing, and a good ole Southern Liz is going not going to get up before noon, they would have a lot of fish, cricket, penis germs on their hands by the time you arrived.

othurme said...

Next time bring a snack that's a little less "family-style".

Margaret said...

I think you can eat crickets

mist1 said...

Now I want some chips and dip. I'm off crickets for awhile.