Friday, December 01, 2006

The Future Looks Bright

Killer ponders the future.

The previous post by Liz discusses a group of people who enjoy doing reenactments of Civil War, or the olden' days. It made me wonder, in a couple of hundred years how will the reenact us.

It is a beautiful Saturday afternoon in 2206, and the XJ-72 family has decided to take the kids to the American History museum downtown. They load up their 7 year old daughter, Glorm, and their 10 year old son, Peter (they were in a retro phase), into the transport tube and get whisked away downtown. They arrive at a rather grand and ancient looking high rise building. They walk through the "door". "Why didn't they just teleport to inside the building?" Asked little Glorm. "Well, the people back then were not very smart." Replied Dad, "they had to wait in a big line of cars for hours and then walk to the building and come through those holes." "They were idiots." Snorted Peter. Mom looked at Peter and thought about how they only had one more year to decide if they were going to keep Peter or donate him for Stem cell research. Abortion laws allowed the parents until 11 years of age. She had not quite made up her mind yet.
The family walked to the ticket counter, and there selling tickets was a man dressed very strangely. He was wearing an extremely large tank top that said "Bulls" on it, and had a baggy pair of shorts on that showed his butt. Glorm could not contain her giggling. She had never seen anyone not wearing the standard ultra violet protection suits that were required by law. The man behind the desk smiled at her and said in a very bizarre accent, "Yo, you be making fun of my clothes and shit? I pull out my piece and cap a bitch." The whole family just laughed, no one understood anything he just said.
They walked to the first exhibit and it was a gleaming white room with a metal table in the middle and filled with sharp objects and vacuum hoses. "Oh my, said Mom, what is this?" "A man walked into the room wearing green pants and a shirt with a mask over his mouth. "This is where we change how ugly people look." "What is an ugly person?" Inquired Peter. "You see long ago some people did not like the way their face looked, or how fat they were, so they paid money to have me change it." Glorm looked very upset by this. Mom bent down beside her and put an arm around her. "Don't worry honey, there have not been any ugly people since the Ugly War of 2054. They were wiped out, and so we don't have to worry about them anymore, all thanks to President Paris Hilton."
They walked through several more bizarre and astonishing exhibits. They almost stormed out in disgust and disbelief after the bathroom exhibit. Glorm did not stop crying for 20 minutes once they explained what the "toilet" was for. They finally came to the final exhibit. It was a man wearing a fuzzy robe and slippers, sitting in front of a small box with pictures showing on the front. He was punching random buttons on a pad in front of the box. He looked very intent and did not ever look away from the box. Another man, also wearing a robe and slippers stood beside him and addressed the onlookers. "This is a computer. It was used back in our time to look up naked pictures of other people and to write blogs." The whole family looked perplexed, and finally Dad said, "I don't understand. Why did they not just use their brain implant to look at naked pictures, and what the hell is a blog?" "Sir, they did not start implanting brain communicators until 2100. A blog was a web log where one person would talk about random items in their day and other people would go to their computer to read it." "Oh, so it was like a book, by a writer." Declared Mom, looking reassuringly down at Glorm. "Oh no, any nut job with a computer could write a blog." Peter looked disgusted, "Why did anyone read it? You guys were stupid back then!" Then he ran over to the computer and pushed it off on to the floor. The robed man let out a sigh of frustration, "Look kid, I only get minimum wage to do this job. A lowly $565 an hour. I don't get paid enough for this shit."
As they were leaving Mom looked at the back of her son's head as he was walking ahead of her, and thought to herself. "What a pain in the ass, oh yeah, he is so getting aborted as soon as we get home."


Anonymous said...

would you please share what you're on?

fringes said...


Retro abortions are the wave of the future.

Mel Francis said...

Mom looked at Peter and thought about how they only had one more year to decide if they were going to keep Peter or donate him for Stem cell research. Abortion laws allowed the parents until 11 years of age. She had not quite made up her mind yet.


Damn. I just missed the cut off for number one son...but there's still time to decide on number two... I love the future.

Anonymous said...

good read and yes i could also use some of the shit your on

i think i'll link you if you dont mind

desiree said...


mist1 said...

I don't want to live.

EEK said...

I agree with fringes and mel francis. The retro-abortion is the part that made me laugh the hardest. Hilarious.

Liz said...


The gusto with which our female readers support your idea of retro abortions greatly concerns me.

I think your bid for political office just got upped a notch.

othur-me said...