Sunday, December 03, 2006

Isn't Christmas the Season for Giving?

A plea for generosity from Killer

Top Ten Reasons To Have Sex With Me

  1. Young go getter. Eager to please.
  2. Willing to try new things, with new people, in new places.
  3. Would never suggest "back door action". (unless your into that, then refer to #2)
  4. Very discrete, I probably won't remember your name.
  5. Have read Othur-me's infamous How to eat coochie post multiple times.
  6. Thinks that "size doesn't matter" is grossly wrong. (legal disclaimer: No guarantee of large penis)
  7. STD free since 2003!
  8. Can borrow any needed sex toys from Liz. (she's a perv)
  9. Have some great ideas for role playing. (one where you dress like Chewbacca and I am Luke Skywalker, and we are stuck in the trash compactor on the Death Star...Well you get the idea.)
  10. It is the holidays and I know you can use the extra money.

10 comments:

Liz said...

Sex toys aren't really the sort of thing you borrow from a friend.

Mel Francis said...

Yeah, I'm with Liz. New sex toys or no deal. And no, running her sex toys through the diswasher with jet dry and cascade does NOT count as "new".

mist1 said...

About the Chewbacca thing...I am in. I throw away tons of money on waxing. Give me six to eight weeks and I'll be a hairy beast.

gatey said...

OK...haha...very clever....but you can't possibly think that you can throw in a Star Wars reference without someone calling out the problems with your comment.

First of all, Chewie is clearly male and by all accounts a heterosexual Wookie. Therefore, it wouldn't make sense that Chewie would be interested in Luke. Secondly, if he WAS into a little bi-activity...it would certainly be with long-time BFF Han Solo. Thirdly, if you recall, Luke was in a Stormtrooper uniform in the compactor. You don't want to take part of that off for gay wookie sex...it would be uncomfortable...and all of the sewage would seep into your boots...gross. Fourthly, wookies are typically shy creatures...and Chewie is no exception. He certainly wouldn't be into kinky inter-species sex in from of his BFF and a Princess. Fifthly, Wookies are a very hirsute species. I am sure that all that garbage resulted in a bunch of matted up hair. It would probably take a pair of scissors just to find an orifice.

Last but not least...if Luke were to get it on with someone or something in the compactor room...it should definitely be Dianoga (the monster in the compactor).

Click here to see a picture of Dianogo...it sucks that we can embed pics in your blog.

Just look at it (gender unknown). It totally wants it...plus, endearing yourself to a monster in a room that you might die in is always a good idea.

For a more in-depth analysis of the trash compactor scene, please click here.

Anonymous said...

disease free since 2003? Sign me up!

EEK said...

Number ten made me guffaw. Just prior to reading number ten I'd taken a sip of my water. Needless to say, things have gotten messy.

Thanks a lot, Killer.

Killer said...

Liz:
Don't get all "don't touch my sex toys" now. I was there when you bought them, I should have full access.

Anonymous said...

std free since 2003? is this really a selling point? i need to update my list

fringes said...

You know I can use the extra money?? If you're paying, who the hell cares about #1-#9? You make that list only if you're trying to get free coochie. Hasn't Liz taught you anything? Geez...

chad said...

i don't see how you could possibly compile that list, ignoring what may very well be your #1 draw--the ass dance