Friday, December 29, 2006

Woes of a White Man

Paranoia grips Killer

Apparently there is one instant access to America from the Philippines. It is nursing. The nursing programs in the Philippines are pretty well respected, so there are many American hospitals who go there to recruit young nurses to leave and come to America. Once here you can get a permanent work visa. If you want to meet a Filipino go to the nearest hospital. I have only worked in one or two hospitals around America without any Filipinos, and in California, they are often times, the majority.

Please don't misunderstand, I love Filipino's. They love to share their food with me. They work all the time, so if you need a shift covered, find a Filipino. They also have an intense desire to have everyone around them married, so as soon as they hear you are single, the match making begins.

Being match makers is also one of the two downsides to being surrounded by Filipinos. Every job I have had in California has been started with the same questions. "Are you married? Do you have a girlfriend? Why not?" After a few minutes of contemplation a more surreptitious question is whispered, "Do you like filipinAs or filipinOs?" Once I clear the air about my sexuality I am informed of any and all single filipinas at this hospital, the neighboring hospitals, as well as, any potential relatives back in the Philippines.

The downside to dating a Filipina is that by the second or third date, marriage plans have been finalized within the family and community. Love or compatibility are not an issue, you are single, she is single, marriage is the only recourse.

Another drawback to being a minority among the Filipino nurses is they love to speak in Tagalog. If you have two or more together within a few sentences the language changes and you are left out in the conversational cold.

It is a fast and confusing language with English words peppered in just frequent enough to make me paranoid. "blah blah blah FAT blah blah blah ORANGE blah blah HAIRY" Then everyone laughs, I look bewildered, they all laugh at my discomfort, I knock over the nearest Filipino, and screaming and more foreign language tirades ensue, "blah blah blah FAT blah blah POLICE blah blah RUN AWAY."

I can't marry a person who will teach our children a language I don't speak. I don't think I want to spend the rest of my life wondering if they are talking about me. They are naturally small people so the urge to crush one as a lesson to the others is often overwhelming. Maybe it is an egotistical issue with me assuming everyone speaking a foreign language is discussing me. That is why I can't watch Spanish television. All those hot Mexican chicks talking about me, but making out with a hot Mexican guy, drives me nuts.


othurme said...

My one word argument FOR marrying a Filipina is: Lumpia.

chad said...

i'm very familiar with that exact line of questioning. perhaps we should tack on a clause to our hetero life-partnership contract...

Fringes said...

Too too funny. Hahahhaaaa...