Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Egg Head

Liz winces

In order to prove I'm American I plan on gaining 10, no 15 pounds over the holidays. I like to leave no doubt that I'm more patriotic than everyone else.

To help me reach this goal I made some homemade eggnog this weekend. I think there was a scene in Rocky or one of Stallone's porns- probably both- where he drank some raw eggs. As a direct result, raw eggs turn me off. For my nog I found a recipe that allows you to pasteurize, but not fully cook, the eggs. Don't think this is easy. Eggs are a chicken's gift to the breakfast meal so you have to pour the hot milk and cream into the egg and sugar mix very delicately.

I've always been a little heavy handed when it comes to pouring.

The chunks really aren't that big...especially if you shake vigorously before pouring and I learned a really valuable lesson. You CAN have bourbon with your breakfast and it is FANTASTIC!

When I was in high school I tried a variety of "natural" hair remedies. Coffee grounds to accentuate the brunette locks, mayonnaise for shine, beer for strong healthy hair and raw eggs for luster. What I didn't know then that I do know now is that a hot shower will cook eggs too. It was a devastating day when I had thousands of egg pieces floating around in my hair. Thousands of tiny cooked embryo from the scalp all the way down to the ends- and my hair was almost to my waist. I smelled like an under seasoned omelet for at least two days.

No wonder I have egg issues.

I had another food moment come to mind as I was writing this post. Have you ever seen pickled pig's feet in the convienience store? They will pickle any damn part of a pig there is, probably including the asshole, but I know including the lips. Pickled pig lips. No lie. One night in college a friend brought some pickled pig lips over to E's house. We had great fun throwing them at stop signs and pedestrians on the way home.

I feel guilty about that now. Can you imagine how tramatic it would be to be blind-sided by a pickled pig's lip on your walk home? I guess it's better than getting bombarded with a pickled pig's asshole.


othurme said...

Liz, you do know that in order to get strong healthy hair, the beer is supposed to be poured on your head and not down your throat, right?

mist1 said...

You think you have egg issues?

I will not eat a chicken menstrual cycle. No thank you.

Killer said...

Considering "E" is prone to throwing pig "chiterling" parties and am suprised to hear he threw the pig lips around instead of eating them.

shoes said...

weight gain here i come

Margaret said...

growing up, my granddad would eat pickiled pigs feet right out of the jar in the living room..

Mayren said...

ok already ! you win. I now have egg issues too.

Julie_Gong said...

I never thought of throwing pigs lips. I bet those really smack with some force.

Mel Francis said...

I've smelled egg all day thanks to your post. I hope you're happy.

Liz said...

I thank you, my hair thanks you and my liver thanks you.
I'll bet you're skinny and have low cholesterol.If you weren't so funny, I would hate you.
E was not part of the ride home, but he did part with the pig lips. That's a big step.
That sounds like a challenge?
I'm sorry. Even my family didn't eat pickled pig's feet, and I'm only one cousin away from white trash.
That's all I ever really wanted.
You are correct. PPL sting like a mother when they hit your thigh. I have a scar to prove it!
Are you sure Stallone doesn't work in your office?

chad said...

funny your mentioning pig's assholes. one of my so-called friends over here presented me with a dish that looked a bit like dumplings. she watched with a mischievious glint in her eyes as i helped myself to a mouthful.
her: 'do you know what that is?'
me: 'i'm afraid to ask.'
her: 'pig colon!!'
note that she didn't say intestines (aka chitterlings)
and they didn't even have the decency to pickle them first