Sunday, December 10, 2006

If Cows Could Rant

Liz says between spits:

I am a city girl. Love the city, love the hustle and bustle, love the creativity and adventure, love the convenience. I must confess, however, that I have a link to the country way of life which has also influenced the lenses through which I see the world.

You see, about 12 years ago my citified parents done up and moved to the middle of nothing! They live in a small town where people actually use terms like, "We're going into town," and "yonder". They live in a place where TWICE farming accidents have claimed the lives of people who live on their street. Last week, they came very close to losing a third.

John, the neighbor, was trying to wrangle his cattle into a pen. He noticed one lone cow out in the pasture- stubborn little heifer- who would not come in. So John, cow proprietor, moseys out into the pasture and starts trying to lead the cow into the pen. The cow goes INSANE!

John was charged, trampled, and then, as if having a ton of beef on your chest isn't bad enough, was PICKED UP by the cow and rammed against a tree.... repeatedly. This cow was out to kill. This is the Steven Segal of the bovine world. This cow was TIRED of taking it from the man!!

Some of many injuries include 6 breaks in one leg and, on that same side, a shattered pelvis. FROM A COW!

I never knew that behind those blank stares cows were plotting. I didn't realize that cows had opinions about where they wanted to be. I knew BULLS were aggressive, but not COWS. I guess Women's Lib has extended to the animal world as well.

So, the next time you slide into that well-loved pair of leather boat shoes, ease into that oh-so retro bomber jacket or pick out a cute clutch to take with you to the party, remember, some one may well have risked his life for you to look that good.


othur-me said...

The same thing happened to me once in the 80's when I tried to corral a feminist and grabbed her utters.

Killer said...

I, for one, have never trusted cows. If you really look into their eyes you can see a deep seated hatred.

jester said...

Cows get extremely jealous. The neighbor could have been spending too much time with Elsie, causing Bessie to completely freak out.

That's why I, for one, prefer to play with bulls. They are always pissed, so you don't have to worry about the reasons why.

mist1 said...

My mom has some serious horror stories about the cows that used to follow her to her office. Eventually, she had to request a parking space that was further from the Agriculture Building.

Mel Francis said...

it's like a FarSide cartoon come to life!

Julie_Gong said...

That cow was just pissed because it wasn't one of those 'happy cows' in california.

Blyfinn said...

Is is sad that I had a co-worker come check on me while I was reading this due to I was laughing so hard?