Monday, April 02, 2007

Cat Skinning 101

I often write about conversations I have with "RN1 and RN2". They are both great nurses and fun to work with, primarily because RN1 is so easy to torment, and RN2 always encourages me to do so. RN1 is older, has a multitude of cats, and loves all things cute. I hate all things cute and RN2 knows this.

Recently RN1 brought to work a canvas tote bag with a large picture of a cat dangling from rod by it's cute little paws. It read, "Hang in There!" She was displaying it proudly to RN2 and I when the following conversation was born.

RN2: Your bag makes me think of that saying, "There is more than one way to skin a cat."
RN1: I hate that saying.
Me: I don't understand that saying.
RN2: What is there to not understand? There is more than one method in which to remove the skin from a feline. Simple. Elegant.
RN1: You guys are just trying to make me cry again.
Me: I understand the words, but basically, cut along his back, from head to tail and pull the skin down. It seems that is the only way to skin a cat.
RN2: What! I could list a dozen other ways to skin a cat.
Me: A dozen? I don't believe that. You're going to have to make a list.
RN1: You both know I love cats. Stop talking about killing cats.
RN2: We never said we would kill them. We are just having a scientific discussion about removing their skin.
Me: I think it would be a lot quieter if they were dead first.
RN2: I'm not saying skin them alive. We would be using cats that were already dead. Like if it was hit by a car. OH! That is #1. Hit cat with car, back tire spins on cat, skin peels off.
Me: That doesn't count. You could never reproduce that in a scientific study.
RN2: I bet I could.
Me: You would be killing off an awful lot of cats trying.
RN1: You said you were not going to kill the cats.
RN2: I said they would already be dead.
Me: Do you have a giant box of dead cats at home to use for these tests?
RN2: Maybe, how big is "giant"?
RN1: I really hate you guys.
RN2: Boil them.
Me: Boil them?!? We are skinning cats, not making soup.
RN2: Boiling an animal long enough will loosen the flesh, eventually it will slide right off.
Me: Holy Shit! What are you doing in your spare time? Only you and a handful of serial killers know that nugget of information.
RN1: (walking away) I want to drive home and hug my cats.
Me: Could you boil me until the skin comes off?
RN2: That would be one big ass pot. I only have cat size.


LC said...

Amazing. Love the ending.

Churlita said...

Hilarious. it sounds like the cat lady nurse needs to get over herself and that you two are just trying to help her out. It's sweet of you, really.

Mel Francis said...

It must be awesome being you. LMAO!

fringes said...

Except for the blood and urine and feces part of your job, I'd love to hang out with you at the nurses station. It sounds like fun...except for that other part.

othurme said...

I'm confused. Why do you need to reproduce the techniques in a lab? Are you publishing the results of this wager in a Veterinary Journal or something? Why can't we just do this in Liz's kitchen?

othurme said...

Just as an argument for my most recent comment, I would like to point out that laboratories are expensive, while Liz would probably let us use her kitchen for a six pack of Old Milwaukee and a pack of Benson & Hedges Deluxe Ultra Light Menthols.

Liz said...

I am going to revoke my post about how great you are. How can anybody want to skin a cat? A child, I can understand, but a cat? Boiling a cat would probably smell like someone was cooking chitterlings- which is the pinacal of disgusting.

Also, Othurme is almost right on the money with his comments. That's weird.

Burg said...

I've only skinned them one way.. It was much easier because it was dead first.. I recommend a dead cat.