Tuesday, April 24, 2007

The Reason for the Rant

The first time Killer made a demand of me, I had to agree to drop off an unmarked suitcase filled with KY Jelly and Speedos at his door.

Another demand has been made.

Why I Rant
A Report By Liz

At first, I thought I was too old to blog. I thought it was only for college aged kids and junior high girls. We had slam books, they have blogs. The generation gap widens.

Killer had to tell me what a blog was. I immediately fell in love with the word. BLOG. I still like how thick it feels on my tongue. I visited Killer Rants (this is the original template, by the way) and loved Killer's writing and his mom's comments. Back then, it was pretty much just Killer's mom, his brother in law, and me leaving comments. Even when it was only being read by his family and one friend, Killer still talked about his balls in almost every post. Does anyone else find that strange?

After much encouragement from Killer, I started on my own blog but HR found out about it and began speculating who I was "ranting" about. They never said anything directly to me. I'm sure they save all that for the court proceedings. My toes curled, I puked a little in my mouth, and then I called it quits, much to my dismay. That ended my own venture.

By that time, I was enjoying the writing and reading that I found on "the Internets" and knew I was going to miss writing. So Killer concocted this idea that he and I merge our considerable "talents". An invitation was extended.

Killer is the Maverick to my Goose. And much like Goose must have yelled time and time again in the quiet of the barracks while "You've lost that lovin' feeling" played softly in the background, I screamed out, "I'm all in!"

Now, I read, and practically write, every day. I like the community that has formed here at Killer Rants and, even though the title of this blog suggests that Killer is in charge, I like imagining he is my personal blogging bitch. Only writing to entertain me. I like my own writing too. I'm not patting myself on the back here, I'm just saying that I really enjoy going back through the archives and finding things I've written. Things that otherwise would be lost.

But instead, stay here, just waiting for HR to stumble across them again.


Killer said...

Excellente', I have not been referred to as someones bitch since that lost year I spent in prison. I never realized how much I missed that feeling of love and security.

laughingattheslut said...

Somebody's mom reads this?


apositivepessimist said...

ut oh...Killer has a MOM??

heather said...

it's simple liz, killer rants and you write. :-)

hellohahanarf said...

i'm glad you are here! although it never ceases to amaze me that anyone's company has a right to say what they do during the hours that the employer doesn't own them. sheesh.

blog on, baby!

Mel Francis said...

I got a little turned on when you called killer your bitch.

Anonymous said...

Wow, so much to comment on here.
1. Yes killer does obsess about the testicles
2. If you are the goose to his maverick, and he is obsessed with balls, where does that leave you metaphorically speaking? Hmmm..
just joking of course
3. I love your writing too. It took me a while to figure out the duality of the blog.
4. I felt many and much of What you did starting off too, but I, like you am glad I am here.
5. Good luck with the work environs!

Anonymous said...

Oh, tell the other Killer, that my e-mail is on my profile and I am anxiously awaiting his questions.

othurme said...

When are you two gonna stop going down on each other and get back to th testicle blogging?

Churlita said...

It's interesting to see why you guys blog. I'm just glad that you do.

I'm a little confused why you don't write about Killer's balls too. It seems like there's a lot to say about them.

dmarks said...

My mom just can't get past the word "blog".