Friday, April 13, 2007


Thirsty Liz:

Rarely do I come straight home from work craving a beer. Stopping off at the bar on the way home usually takes care of that. Today I sat in my garage for an extra minute letting the end of "Ain't No Other Man" go off the radio and thinking about a frosty mug of goodness. I darted into the house and before I even put my purse down, flung open the refrigerator door to grab a cold one.

You never know what kind of beer I'll have in stock and after a couple of days I forget what's in there. Opening my fridge is usually a beer adventure. Except for today. Today I opened the refrigerator to find ONE Coors Light. How could this be? I had some German beer, some Irish beer, a couple of Bud Lights and I had just bought a 12-pack of Coors less than a week ago. When did the beer fairy move into my kitchen and start stealing precious nectar of the gods from me?

Oh. It happened Sunday morning.

I remember now. Friends. Drinks. Music. Dice. Cigarettes. Bumming. Laughing. Depletion.

This has me thinking. I know all the reasons we love our friends, but what about all those reasons we don't?

  • Friends WILL drink your beer
  • Friends will have sex at your house
  • Friends will want to the leave the party before you do
  • Friends will let you drive when you're hammered because they are more hammered
  • Friends expect you to like their pets and children
  • Friends won't always call before stopping by
  • Friends don't mop for you, even though they track in the dirt
  • Friends will let you go out in a sleeveless top, only to learn when the pictures come back that your arms look like glowing white huge mutant pork loins
  • Friends will try and involve you in their doomed money making schemes
  • Friends will mock your love of Magnum, PI and obsession with MacGyver
  • Friends won't leave comments on your blog

Before you think I'm being critical, remember that I am a friend too. I'm guilty of 8 of the above. Good luck figuring those out. And if I were to generate a list of all the wonderful things friends will do, well, you would be disgusted and quit reading rather quickly. Besides, it's already been explained by Dion Warwick.

Tonight Killer is in Oxford at Chris's art show, meeting Mel and Fishdog. I am excited about the post that is sure to come. I am also disappointed. Why haven't Jester and Orthur Me hooked up with the K-Man since he's out that way? I think that meeting would signal the Apocalypse, yet I'd love for it to happen. And I'd love to be right up in the middle of it all, drinking Jester's beer and bumming Orther Me's smokes.


heather said...

i don't have a beer fairy at my house since i rarely drink beer any more. i do have a snack food fairy though. seems if i don't get to it in the first 12 hours after purchasing it it all vanishes in a puff of smoke. the puff of smoke surrounding my husband's head.
(wv, huhvoo = lol)

laughingattheslut said...

MacGyver is what Richard Dean Anderson did before Stargate, right?

To quote Buffy the Vampire Slayer--"Beer bad."

I think your friend who is having sex at your house is really bad. Unless maybe you invited him over to have sex with in the first place.

I think the jeans that fit and look good fairy has been stealing stuff at my house this week.

Tell Heather there are Easter snack clearance sales at Target this week.

dmarks said...

MacGyver rules. I saw him make a rotating laser cannon out of a smoke detector, an ice cube, and a kitchen collander.

Jester said...

It's not for lack of trying. I've invited Killer to meet up with us a couple of times.

Seems he is always working. And when he gets a day or two off he runs off to Mississippi.

I think he's afraid of me. I have been known to turn more than my fair share of straight guys to the dark side.

Oh God! I'm Emperor Palpatine! I have better skin, though.

Liz said...

I will scold Killer appropriately. Thanks for letting me know that it's HIS fault!

Killer said...

A: I DO work all the time, but I am absolutely going to meet Jester and OthurMe before leaving Cali. AND, I am not afraid of Jester's attempts. I lived in the Castro for a spell.

B: I know exactly which eight you have done. I am going to tell the three you have NOT done.
1. You have never NOT left a comment on a friends blog.
2. You have never had sex at a friends house.
3. You have never involved anyone in a money making scheme. (atleast not me) (i am not sure if the children's book counts as a money making scheme.)

Liz said...

I refuse to elaborate, but you are almost right. Almost. And no, the children's book was not a money making scheme. It was a shattered dream... tear rolls down my cheek...