Sunday, April 08, 2007

Someone's Been Sleeping In My Bed

Liz is an advocate for slumber parties:

I am a girl and therefore like my stuff and my space. I prefer my toilet, my hairbrush, my chair and my bed. I have MY make up remover, MY washcloths that I don't feel guilty about staining when I take my makeup off and MY Vanilla Caramel CoffeeMate that I like to put in MY coffee cup. But if I was a guy I think I wouldn't even pay rent. I'd just crash at people's houses for a couple of nights at a time, rotating back around every three weeks to a month. After 6 months of doing this I would have about $5,500. That would make a great down payment on a house.

I support overnight guests. Most all of my friends drink, often with the end goal being intoxication. I have a guest room and a couch and I sincerely want them to use it. DUIs and car wrecks are awful things and, when avoidable, steps should be taken to prevent these nasties from happening. As Killer has noted in a previous post, I try to make my guests feel welcomed and comfortable. I attempt to keep the extra room clean with fresh sheets and TWO mattress pads so that when you lay in that bed it gives you a gentle, yet supportive hug. Kind of like Killer's underwear does for his boyz.

There is one downside to staying in my guest room. It's all of those obnoxious throw pillows that I have in there. Seriously. It's out of control. Some are in there on purpose and some by default and there are a shit load of them. I had an overnight guest last night and I thought I'd show you how he arranged my pillows:

And then how they SHOULD look:

Hilarious to me. He tried, bless his heart, but look at that! The special touch only a man can give to a room.

Now that I have uploaded those photos, I think the room looks cheesy. It looks better in person, I swear. You're welcome to come see for yourself, but you're obligated to bring the hostess a bottle of wine AND straighten the pillows before you leave.

By the way, I wrote a post titled "Confidence" and fully expected several comments on crazies you have encountered in your lifetime. Did you miss it or was it not the prize-winning post I thought it was?


Liz said...


If you read this post and comment, I like the look of your new blog! I tried to leave a comment but I guess I have to put in an email address? Know I'm reading, even if I'm not writing.

briliantdonkey said...

It's that whole male/female thang. We as men have NO clue how to decorate stuff. I couldn't help but laugh at his pillow arrangement. It looks EXACTLY how I probably would have left it as well. Yet, seeing the picture of how it looked after YOU did it, it looks soooooo simple, till you try it. Reminds me of algebra, following along with the teacher step by step? easyyyyyyy simple stuff. Try to do it on your own? Not gonna happen.


judyb said...

But what did you do with the shiny blue torpedo pillow? It seems an unfair test if you don't use ALL of them.

apositivepessimist said...

erm do they have to be straightened like yer guest did or like YOU [yer prissy bitch...said with no offence] did?

no actually I am pretty good with pillows. heh.

heather said...

lmao! you sneaky bitch you! this is really a test isn't it? seems like a great way to weed out the guys who are secretly gay or married to ultra bossy wives as potential boyfriend material. personaly i happen to use lots of pillows too. regular ones though. i keep 5 on our bed, that way j can steal 2or 4 throughout the night and i still have one.

wreckless said...

I don't know how to do the pillows either. I really think they are superflous and inane, but that is just one man's opinion.

Mel Francis said...

at least your guest made an effort to re-pillow the bed. most of my guests barely make an effort to get out of the bed, much less make it and re-pillow it.

Killer said...

When I slept in that bed the torpedo pillow came in MIGHTY handy. (wink wink)

The first thing I do when staying in a bed with a lot of froo froo pillows is dramatically swipe them all on to the floor, as if offended by their presence. I don't know why, but it makes me feel better. Disco's wife has multi layers of pillows on their guest bed.

I am going to make my guest room have one giant pillow that is stapled to the center of the bed in an unyielding manner.

Liz said...

It reminds me of "There's Something About Polly" when Ben Stiller finally releases his hatred by stabbing all of those throw pillows. And the blue pillow IS used- it is discretly placed behind some of the other pillows for support... exactly where it should be.

Wavemancali said...


You know by posting this you've outed yourself as a "Monica" who knows the positioning of her living room furniture down the the millimeter right?

dmarks said...

That blue thing looks like a swim toy of some kind.

LC said...


While reading your post and then the comments, I kept thinking of that movie, and then I read what you commented and thought, Hey, isn't it 'Along came Polly'? and was confused for a second or fifty.

I think your guests should printout the picture posted here for future visits.

I don't have many throw pillows. But a friend of mine once gave me a 'Body pillow' as a christmas gift and told me they 'came in handy'.

I do not know what the feck he was implying. Ass.

Liz said...

That blue pillow seems to get a lot of attention. It was supposed to vibrate, but it never worked. No wonder it was on clearance.

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