DIY: Funny Blogging and Boobs

I was asked recently, "I think your blog is funny, how do you know what to write?"

I'm not very smart, so it's actually a simple formula that I use. I just decide upon a random topic and plug in the appropriate words, kind of like a mad lib, but not as creative.

Magicians don't like to tell their secrets, but there is no real magic here, so I am going to let you see just one of my many "funny blog" templates. If you just follow these steps I guarantee (not legally binding) you too can write a blog that you and atleast 8 other people will find funny.

1. A catchy title is important. It should grab the reader and make them want to know more. It doesn't actually have to pertain to the content of the blog, and if you mention something sexy, all the best.

2. Open with a self deprecating statement. Since you have a "blog" the non-blogging readers already have a pre-conceived notion that you think you are better than they are. You want to set the tone that, although I am web savvy and can type, it is basically a matter of excess free time.

3. Now is an important moment. You have to set the stage for the rest of the post. What is it about, what do you hope to accomplish, and you should make it funny. If you haven't said anything funny by now the reader is already scrolling down to see how long this is and if they are willing to stick around to see how it turns out.

* Important side note: NEVER say anything remotely serious. You don't want to get drawn into the over populated world of "real news re-hashers". That is what Yahoo news and CNN.com are for. Does anyone really want to hear what Ed, from accounting, thinks about the new federal reserve interest rates.

4. Here is the body of your post. It should point out everyone else's short comings, while making you look clever and witty. Ask a few simple questions, and then answer them yourself.
If you don't think you have enough funny, add an unrelated statement about something that is universally funny, like making fun of the handicapped or ingesting shaved gerbils rectally.

5. This is possibly the most important part, or atleast in the top five. Here you bring it all home. The closing statement should sum up the whole post and if it doesn't bring the funny, you might as well go back to posting cute videos you found on youtube. If you get to the end and realize it is not shaping up like you hoped, then you need to break out the big guns. Just finish up with a reference to you balls. I have found that is always a winner. If you don't have balls, you can't be funny anyway.