Thursday, November 02, 2006

I am like Rembrandt and Bob Ross Combined

Killer, keeping a promise.

A week ago I responded to a post by Liz, Priceless, I don't think so , with a post of my own, The gift that keeps on giving. In that post I promised to post some pics of my previous hand made gifts that my Mother and Sister are indescribably lucky to receive. I have a goal, that may take many years to achieve, it is to fill their homes with an immense number of garish, tacky knick knacks that they can not throw away, since they were pain stakingly made by their own flesh and blood.

I seem to have a skill with making arts and crafts out of any item that can be purchased at Home Depot. I like the idea of using unorthodox materials, it makes me think I am giving a better life to mundane products.

Last year I used rust proof wire, that is used to secure chain link fences. It is pretty pliable and can be used to make many useful things, like jewelry, art projects, or even lingerie, if you are a German bondage dominatrix. Just like Mom.

This first one was for my sister, who loves exotic fish. I really love giving her anything I can find with bright, atrocious fish, because it drives my Brother-in-Law crazy that his house is coated with this crap. Who loves ya' bro?

This one was for my Mother who, along with my Dad, seem to collect a lot of dragon themed objects. I don't know if they are secretly Sci-Fi geeks or something, or maybe they are dressing like magical dwarfs or goblins for sex games. I don't like to dwell on that side of things.

Two years ago, when I first declared the intention to barrage my family with gifts created with my own blood, sweat and tears I had a specific material in mind. Cheap Forks. They have to be cheap, because high quality cutlery is a bitch to bend. My history with fork art goes back to my early college years when I waited tables. I would be drinking with my restaurant friends and I would inevitably get bored and start twisting the forks into satanic looking shapes. When making this butterfly inspired piece I decided to leave the Satanism behind, out of respect for the Christmas spirit.

There are several other fork sculptures, but one is at my Grandparents and the other my sister claims is in "storage". She better be able to produce it by this Christmas, or she is going to be given a hand crafted bag of flaming poop for the holidays.

I can't go into too much detail about this years gifts. I was originally going to attempt to carve some totem poles, but I realized living in an apartment is not really conducive to massive wood working projects. My neighbors complained the last time I tried using a chain saw in my apartment. They have no appreciation for the arts.


Liz said...


I think I was with you in San Fran when you bought that fish you're claiming you made for your sister.

You have a real talent! You should stop letting your professional artist friend, Chris, hang out in the spotlight all of the time. Almost-hippy-but-way-to-into-comfort chicks like me would dig your eclectic and whimsical works. You market to singles, who don't have anyone other than themselves to lavish gifts upon, and you could be sitting on a 4-pronged pile of treasure.

thanks in advance for whatever you're making me for Christmas.

Killer said...

I did get inspiration from the one I picked up in Berkeley, but If you look closely, mine is no where near as good as those. I swear I did make these.

mist1 said...

Last time my mom visited, I think she bought some of your fork art. Mom cannot resist things made out of forks.

Margaret said...

Are you invited for Christmas this year?

fringes said...

Very very nice. I feel so much less talented today.

Anonymous said...


That stuff is pretty damn solid. Nice job my friend.


EEK said...

You're actually talented. Your wire sculptures remind me of the time my Dad made a sculpture of a cow utilizing wire hangers. Then he made a sculpture of a bull. Then he mounted them both on a wood platform so that it looked like the bull was 'humping' the cow. When you shook the platform they would move back and forth.

It hung in his office for years.

Cover Your Mouth said...

Those are actually pretty good. I mean, don't send me one or anything, but as far as art using household materials goes, not bad. I get a secret thrill in using regular household items to make something completely new. One year my friend Angie and I got drunk and decided to make an elaborate sign to cheer on our friend who was running the marathon the next day. It involved broomsticks, wrapping paper, a cardboard box and some masking tape and the thrill of assembling it from stuff I just had lying around my apartment was indescribable. It is unfortunate that we were too hungover to leave the house the next day to watch the marathon.

othur-me said...

Killer, how very Martha Stewart of you. Can you also fold a cloth napkin into a starfish?

Might I say, this may have to go as a mark on the "Killer's Gay" side of the "Killer's Gay/Killer's Not Gay" arguement going on over at my blog.

Killer said...

I like your Dad. He sounds like a classy guy.

Tell your Mom, "Thanks for supporting the arts, and the cutlery industry as well."
I also apologize for stealing your rapid fire, mass response system.

I'll be attending Christmas via a conference call from Cali.

Thanks, and you are talented, and people do like you. Now you repeat.

A: Thanks for stopping by.
B: Thanks for the support of art.
C: Nice glamour shot.

Cover Your Mouth:
Too late, I already shipped yours.

I can fold only fold napkins into objects like boobs, or vaginas. I don't want anyone else thinking I am gay.

Chris said...

mine is in storage!!!!! It will come out when I can FINALLY get in my storage unit. WHo am I kidding, when I get Ray in there to find the box!!