Monday, November 13, 2006

A Shining Beacon of Superiority

Posted down to you by Killer

Now that I am in California I feel I should be blogging with more sophistication and social awareness. No more pointless ranting. No more random comments about my genitals.

As I set out today, my first day of working whilst in California, I noted a special feel in the air. A feeling of superiority in how the world should be run and of how it should be preserved for future generations. It was like in highschool when I would watch the cool kids plan out the homecoming celebrations, wishing I was part of the "in crowd", but now, oh yeah, I am part of the in crowd.

So, those of you in the semi cool places on the East Coast and everyone in the relative obscurity of the middle areas can sit back and watch us Californians set the future trends for everything from fashion to corporate eateries. You say you really like eating at "On the Border", well too bad, the new cool place is "Chevy's". Keep up, or get out.

Our gas is more expensive because we like to add more stuff to it. Our food costs more since everyone here is in a union, and that mentally disabled kid bagging your groceries is getting paid $20 an hour. Hell, we're so far ahead of the rest of the world, if you stop on your way to work to pee on the side of the street you can go to jail, but if you are a homeless person and want to shit on the sidewalk in broad daylight, all the cops can do is hand you some toilet paper. Never underestimate the voting potential of a bleeding heart.

I feel a need to help the rest of America catch up with the progressive ways of the West coast. The start could be a good brewery in every town that qualifies for a Wal-mart. From now on maybe all of you should watch the O.C. and take notes. The next time you try to pick out an outfit or buy some music say to yourself, "did I see this on the O.C.?" If the answer is no, put it back. I want so bad to make a lasting impact on our great society, but every time I really get out there to work for change I remember, all this charity work makes my balls itch.

Oh well, some habits are hard to break.

9 comments:

mist1 said...

I read this blog specifically for the random comments about your genitals.

Liz said...

You'll be back in Jackson MS in what, 6 weeks? Enjoy your superiroity while it lasts.

Margaret said...

I hear that stuff they add to gasoline is good for itchy balls.

fringes said...

I'm with Mist. Leave the activist ranting to the blogs I hate reading.

Cyndy said...

Hey man,
Are you gonna bring this sentimentality home with you?!?!?!

desiree said...

There is a very specific reason as to why I left California. You just eloquently described it. Just wait, you'll start to become bitter around the edges. The next time you order french toast and it comes with avocado puree, the next time you try to buy t-shirts and they are eighty bucks a pop, the next time you strike up a conversation with yet ANOTHER struggling "actor", it is then my friend, you will know. And the bitterness, it will come.

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with checking with the O.C. first before purchasing. I don't even know why people wouldn't. I mean... come on... really!

othur-me said...

Desiree, you're talking about LA. Sacramento doesn't have any struggle actors (unless you count the one struggling to be governor).

desiree said...

No no, Sacramento has a HUGE under culture of struggling actors. Ever get involved with the community theater movement? Yikes. Just---yikes.