Friday, November 24, 2006

If you can't have sex with a dead animal, what can you have sex with?

Here is an example of our government clamping down on our freedoms. If we really are a "free" country, shouldn't we be able to do what we want? Dead Deer Sex.

Apparently a guy was driving down the road and noticed a hot, sumptuous, and apparently dead, deer in a ditch on the side of the road. He stopped, quickly assessed the situation and decided to take advantage of an available sex partner. It seems to me like a victimless crime. I don't think the deer is going to mind, and it actually keeps this nut job from going after some human. Where is the crime?

It does raise an interesting question. What happened in this guy's life to make him find road kill uncontrollably sexy? It is not like you can use the old, "my mom dressed me like a girl until I was twelve." It has to be something really traumatic. Maybe he was molested in a taxidermy.

The sad thing is, he would make most otherwise freakish people look normal. If you knew your neighbor was often found running around his back yard wearing woman's underwear, rubbing chocolate pudding in his hair while enjoying the moonlight, but on the other side was a guy who has been arrested for having sex with a dead animal, which one are you going to let watch your kids this Friday night? Unfortunately, our archaic societal mores say that humping dead animals in a ditch on the side of the road is almost at the pinnacle of bizarre and unacceptable behavior.

The next time you are flying down the interstate and see a big steamy pile of road kill take a second to think about how somewhere there is a guy who would be really turned on right now.


Liz said...

Remember in the '80's when it was said that AIDS was started by some guys humping monkeys? I had always assumed those monkeys were alive... and I had always assumed that there was NO WAY that statement could be true. Who would hump a monkey? After reading this post, all of my monkey-humping questions have been overshadowed.

I am GLAD that the deer was dead so that it did not have to endure disgusting cross-species sex.

See... this is why women are "picky". You never know where those things have been.

Liz said...

OMG! I just clicked on the link you have in this post. They show the guy's picture?? What if this was like THE ONION where they just post a random picture next to the story? And what if the picture they posted was you in your bunny suit?

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA ... I'm getting ideas for my own website: Killer Pants. It's about all the things Killer does with his pants off.

Ewwwww. Nevermind.