Monday, November 06, 2006

Magellan on a Stick

Killer, directionally challenged, but great intestinal fortitude.

Current location: Amarillo, TX
Distance traveled today: 900 miles (180 miles unnecessarily)
Time Driving: 14 hours

So, I wake up this morning at about 5am, load up the Jeep, hug my Mom goodbye and set out on, yet another, trek to California.
I was pumped, I had my route thought out in advance, it is not hard, drive West and when you hit L.A. turn right.

I jumped in the Jeep and cranked up some heavy hitting talk radio and pulled out onto I-20. After about an hour or so I noticed a sign telling me how far it is to a town in Alabama. That kind of woke me out of my talk radio induced stupor and I thought, "hey, when I drive from Mississippi to California, I don't have to go through Alabama."
That is when I realized I, in my excitement to get on with the journey, had gone East on I-20.

I have traversed this great country in an automobile so many times, it is not countable. I have never driven over an hour in the COMPLETE wrong direction. I don't know if it is a sign of early dementia, or maybe I am not as smart as I thought. I had a nice time budget of 12 hours of driving a day, but I blew that the first day and had to drive 14 hours.
The worst part was turning around and having to drive back through the town that I started from. That sucks. I was very tempted to just stop and try again tomorrow. Nobody needs to start a massive journey with a brain fart.

I survived, and managed to hit Dallas during evening rush hour, so that was a plus. I really dislike most of Texas (sorry Fringes), if it weren't for Austin and Big Bend National Park, I would be all for letting Mexico have it back. I have nothing against the people, it is just that Texas is so damn big, flat, and depressing to drive through. They should break it up into a few smaller states, that way no one state would have to take the blame for that section of the country.

I became delirious after hour ten and began trying to take pictures of the landscape while driving at 80 miles an hour. This is actually proof against my argument for Texas not being appealing. But, a good sunset can make any place look good.

I stopped at a small gas station, about five miles South of nowhere. They had a very intriguing food product next to the counter. I asked the lady behind the register what it was and she said, "sausage on a stick." Holy shit! Why didn't I think of that. In my 33 years of life thus far, everything, and I mean everything, has been made better when put on a stick. Despite the frightening, and non appetizing, appearance, I bought one.

I have eaten deep fried crickets and grubs, and sauteed ants while in Thailand. I figured I could handle a sausage, so I was told, that has been skewered. It tasted like it looks.

The only thing worse than trying to take pictures out the window at 80 miles an hour, besides text messaging which I did not do very well, is trying to take a picture of a meat product, that has been impaled, while going 80 miles an hour.

Hopefully tomorrow will go smoother and I can reach Southern California before stopping again.


Margaret said...

There should be a song about sausage on a stick... better luck on the road tomorrow

fringes said...

In 33 years, you have yet to learn not to buy anything sitting next to the cash register at convenience stores located in the South? Especially the "food" products. And stay away from the sexual enhancement products as well.

Thanks for keeping us posted on your trip. So exciting...

desiree said...

My very poor sense of direction has gotten me in trouble many a time, the worse being on a drive from San Louis Obispo to South Lake Tahoe. I drove for 4 hours in the wrong direction and had the sun not decided to set I would not have realized that I was going SOUTH not NORTH and surely would have wound up in compton, a small white lost girl, at 3am.

Careful with the southern convenience store foods. I am surprised your sausage was not filled with cheese and ranch sauce.

Thanks for stopping by.

mist1 said...

The picture of the sausage isn't work appropriate. Luckily, my assistant (the cat) wasn't offended.

We are having corn dogs for lunch.

EEK said...

Killer, stick with the seven-eleven taquitos. They aren't served on a stick, but they are stick shaped. And they are delicious. Drive safe.

othur-me said...

Dude, had I known you were going to be in of my favorite places of all time (that part was actually serious), I would have pointed out all the hot spots of Amarillo before you left. Both of them(that part not so much).

othur-me said...

By the way, how is it you were able to obtain Oliver, Professor Whitehead's tabu tiki from the Brady Bunch?

Joey said...

You remember when we went to see Chad & Chris in Chapel Hill and we didn't get back on 20 after the loop in Birmingham? We didn't know we were lost until we saw signs for Chattanooga. I want to say that was more than a few hours out of the way, so this isn't an isolated incident.

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Killer said...

There might be a song about that, if not, I will write it.

I am used to not eating pickled food items next to the cash register. I was fooled by the sausage.
No promises on the enhancement products.

The cheese and ranch was added after market.

Mist 1: As long as the meat is on a stick, all is good.
I apologize to your cat.

I have never tried the taquitos. I need the stick, it is a mental block.

Sorry, I did not really get to enjoy Amarillo, I just slept.
I got the tiki god to curse anyone who breaks into my Jeep, it happens a lot.

Joey (Disco):
I did not include that episode since, after we managed to buy a map, we just change the route we were taking to get to Chapel Hill. It added a few hours, but it was the scenic route.

Do you work for Big Bend?!?
This might be the most specialized spam ever.

Liz said...

God I miss Jack.