Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Texas Free Since 12:33

I can not feel my ass. Can you feel my ass?

Current Location: Needles, California
Distance traveled today: 815 miles
Time driving: 11.5 hours
Time spent regretting ingesting sausage on a stick: 11.5 hours

Here is some more random one handed, blind, out the window photos, taken at 85 mph. This one is in Arizona, or New Mexico, I don't know where I was at. Not even when this picture was taken.

I nearly wrecked trying to grab my camera really fast to take a picture of a highway sign for a small Arizona town called, "Shinarump". I had been driving for 11 hours and thought that was the funniest thing I had seen in a long time. It reminded me of the new interstate being built from Canada to Mexico, which runs through part of Mississippi. I-69. I bet they will have a huge chunk of budget earmarked for replacing those signs. I am old, but I still have already stolen two.

I woke up around 9am, packed the Jeep and walked down to the lobby for the "free breakfast bar". It turns out the "free breakfast bar" has strict rules that state all free breakfast enjoyment ends promptly at 0930. It was 0932 when I entered the designated eating area. They were beginning to put the delicious looking bagels and cold cereal away, and informed me that I was too late. I debated throwing myself to the ground kicking, screaming and crying, but I did not really have the energy.

I drove a straight line today, after triple checking that I was heading West, through New Mexico and Arizona. My goal was California, so the second I crossed the border, and smuggled my Bonzai tree past the "fruit and plant" check point, I found a hotel. I am now going to sleep so I can wake up and repeat the whole ordeal.

It turns out that sausage on a stick is not as good for the digestive track as I thought it would be. It feels like I ate it with the stick still in. I usually have a no nonsense gut, that does not allow any tomfoolery down there. It must have been over powered by the vile looking sausage.
Sticking with my love for sticked meats, I ate two gas station corn dogs today. Hopefully they get along with everyone better than the sausage.


fringes said...

Best blog post title ever.

mist1 said...

Move your a$$ over here so I can feel it. Thanks.

The words Breakfast Bar make me happy. Although, really the words Bloody Mary Bar make me happier.

Margaret said...

The 2 corndogs could have fought the sausage on a stick and won.

Anonymous said...

Sausage on a stick...not...good.

There. I've made a note of it in my journal. ;)


othur-me said...

I really wish there was an episode of Celebrity Death Match where Sausage On Stick takes on two Corn Dogs.

"In this corner we have the new comer on the blog, challenger, Lance Dimeet. And in this corner we have the all time champs of the convenient store counter snacks, Dip & Fry D'Phrenks. Stomachs and intestines.....LETS GET READY TO RUUUMBLE!

Farley said...

Welcome to California! You're less likely to find food on a stick here...which may be for the best.

Liz said...


How many lessons have to be learned before you STOP PUTTING ERECT MEAT INTO YOUR MOUTH? My God. Have I not taught you ANYTHING in the past 15 years?*

* Don't answer that.

Killer said...

Thanks, I aim to please.

My ass is on it's way.

Margaret and Othur-me:
By the time the corn dogs were sent in, the Sausage on a stick had it's way and had already escaped out the back door.

I could write a book on things not to eat.

I quickly noticed the lack of sticked food products, and am dissapointed, but healthier.

Be glad you added, "don't answer that"