Thursday, November 16, 2006

If I Wrote This Blog; This is How I Did It.

Really?!? Only in America can you kill two people, but pay enough money to get off, and then write a book about it. And only in America can you get a prime time TV show talking about what it was like, IF you had killed your ex wife and her friend. But that of course is on Fox.

It's not like this can ruin his image. It is not as if Hertz is going to put O.J. back in T.V. commercials.

Opening scene: A busy airport
O.J. comes running through the airport hurtling chairs and spinning deftly around frantic and frightened people. They pan back more and show he is carrying a bloody knife and pulling bloody gloves off as he runs.
Tag Line: Hertz, for when you REALLY got to get away fast.

One issue being debated by the television pundits is, who is going to advertise on this show. Who is confident enough in their product that it wants to be tied to this media debacle. Below I list some possibilities and motives for advertising with OJ's pseudo confession.

1. Ginsu knives: I mean come on, think of this commercial. A non descript man, hacks up one person with ease. The second person tries to block the knife with a tin can, but the ginsu knife carves through it like hot butter before severing his jugular. Then as he is about to flee, he stops and cuts a tomato in to perfect thin slices. These knives can do ANYTHING!

2. Prego spaghetti sauce: All you see is a silhouette stabbing and then red fluid splattering the walls and running down the ground, over the edge of the sidewalk and on to a steaming plate of spaghetti. Pan back and OJ has just butchered a bunch of tomatoes. Tag line: No matter how bad your day, Prego will make it better.

3. Budweiser: Any commercial really, these guys just advertise with anything, they don't give a shit. I guess if you want something clever: Four frogs sitting in a swamp, croaking, "O"..."J"....."O"..."J"....."O"..."J"..."Did"..."It".

4. Icy Hot Patch: OJ brutally kills two people, turns all bloodied to the camera and winces in pain and holds his shoulder. "At my age, it is getting harder and harder to kill the ones you love. That is why I wear Icy Hot."


Anonymous said...

And you're not in advertising why?

Anonymous said...


mist1 said...

I wonder how the book ends.

othur-me said...

Dude, we know you did it...and we already know how. Give it a rest.

Liz said...

OJ is a very handsome man. Is he still rich and single? Maybe while you're in California you could put a word in for me?

Ewwww... I just got a chill. I think it was my life expectancy dropping from 58 to 41. Nevermind on the OJ request.