In a previous post I went on and on and on listing the characteristics that make me undateable. When am I going to learn to let OTHERS point out my faults instead of doing that myself? I was kidding with 6 of the reasons, but I won't tell you which 6 they are.
Add that to the list: Keeps secrets only when the secrets do not matter.
Because obviously no one is going to do it for me, I'll give you the reasons you SHOULD hook me up with your handsome, wealthy brother with the "massive killer cock" (see Killer's post below to better understand where THAT came from).
Here is a sampling of some of the wonderful things about me as your girlfriend:
- Cooks well
- Owns a variety of perfumes and lotions
- Action movies and comedies
- A man's woman
- Loathes nagging
- Encourages you to sleep at your own place
- Wants you to be happy
- Gives a mean back rub
- Good hair
- Not clingy
- Will always have cereal available
- WANTS you to hang out with your friends more
- Your good deeds get noticed
- Will let you drive
- Does not experience PMS
Now see? From Grade-A, independent, strong-willed bitch to affectionate, thoughtful, domestic kitten in two blogs. Just call me Sybil. But here is the one thing that trumps all others:
- Big boobs with ample cleavage
There. I feel good about myself again. The match-making may begin NOW.