Friday, November 10, 2006

I Now Review Blogs Professionally

Liz is not even kidding:

At least from 8-5 I get paid to sit on my ass.

I think I'm getting a little too obsessed with blogging. I'm not to the extreme- YET- but I will confess that I am spending WAY too much time in front of a computer. If a day goes by and I do not check Killer Rants, I feel out of sorts with the world. I mean, what if Outhur Me replied to one of my replies or Mist 1 took another opportunity to make a mildly suggestive, yet cute comment on Killer's last post? I have these thoughts throughout the day.

Unhealthy.

What is least appreciated about this new hobby is that it is just one more of many reasons you should not date me.

I will post the complete "Why You Should Not Date Me" list below and then check the site compulsively to see what you've had to say about it.

Zero comments and I'll take up reading the blogs I've discovered about ant farms (serious and scientific) or Ace or Base (where you can download their entire catalogue; but why?)

You should not date me because:
  • I take my hair very seriously
  • I snore a little
  • I cannot wallow in your filth or your misery
  • My cats will most likely always come before you
  • I'm not giving up my boy friends
  • I love The Office and will not pick you up if you're stranded on the side of the road or too drunk to drive, answer your phone calls, or look in your general direction during those 30 minutes. Sorry.
  • The first time you complain about ANY THING that involves me I will begin comptenplating our break up
  • If you try to make me jealous, I will only encourage that you go back to your ex
  • I won't find your kids adorable
  • I might not invite you to a lot things- including things for couples
  • I expect you to be handy around the house
  • Ask, ask, punish is how I get things done
  • I cook, you clean and if you can't deal with that, you pay for the maid
  • I think less of people who don't wash their face and brush their teeth before going to bed
  • I only give sideways hugs
  • I will resent that you do not understand my office supply and purse fettishes
  • I will resent that you think that because I like my cats that I like cat decor
  • My pores are getting larger as I age
  • I talk a lot and expect you to listen as well as participate in the conversation
  • I sometimes like the house to be totally silent- no TV, no music
  • Apparently, I cannot give up smoking
  • I have a little thing about checking my blog 4 or 9 times night...

5 comments:

othur-me said...

Is there any good reason TO date you?

I promise not to reply to your reply.

Killer said...

I have noticed some fellow bloggers who have hundreds of blogs in their links section and wonder if they check them everyday. I often think checking the few in ours is a daunting task.

If you only give sideways hugs, even to your "intimate" partner, do you only have sideways sex?
Maybe you should drill a glory hole in your bathroom and have him stand on the other side.

mist1 said...

I guess no one should date me either. But, we knew that already, didn't we? Poor bastards.

fringes said...

I think my new hobby shall be leaving one word comments for bloggers who feel strangely obligated to respond to each and every commenter on each and every post. I'll check in every hour to see their struggle-evident response: Fringes--Um, thanks? Fringes, um, sure?

Heh.

MAJOR EFLAT said...

I wish you good luck in your new professional career...why not to delves on the negative...better to think of the positive things that happens to the person if one does not date you...