Sunday, November 12, 2006

Does This Cape Make Me Look Fat?

Voodoo Momma Writes:

Since the impressionable age of 6, I've had this thing for superheros. It started with Superfriends and the whole League of Justice. Wonder Woman, of course being my favorite. Superman, of course, being the guy I want to get to third base with. Until Clooney played Batman- but that's a whole other world of conversation.

As I have matured I have kept some of my desire to be a superhero. I've even narrowed down the power that I want; and this is difficult to do. Laser beam eyes with X-Ray vision? Invisibility? Teleporting? Time Traveling (oooohhh I like this idea!)? Super strength? Flying? Nope. None of these.

I want to be able to read people's minds.

And then change them.

I would have to be very careful not to become corrupt with this power; careful to use this power for the good of mankind and not be self-serving. I could have 1,000 shirtless 25 year old men gladly building me a palace on the side of mountain, a massure, chef, and yard boy working for nothing more than a smile, free couture fashion, a jet at my disposal, no need for money and, hence, no need to have an 8 to 5 job, all the office supplies I want... the list goes on and on.

Eventually, I would put "World Peace" on my agenda, but I honestly can't say that would be the first issue I'd tackle. I think the first thing I would do is have Brittany Spears and Paris Hilton banned from media coverage and put an end to spam mail. Those are key steps toward making the world a better place.

I would want to have a superhero costume; a little ditty I'd wear once I became president of the world. An elegantly tacky Vera Wang number provided to me by mere suggestion. I would have the moniker of "goddess" on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and "her majesty" the other days of the week. Of course there would be a media room where Indiana Jones movies played non-stop, 24 hours a day.

I'm positive that, regardless of how you felt before reading this post, you now have changed your mind and realize that those too are key steps toward making the world a better place.

You're welcome.

7 comments:

othur-me said...

You don't look fat, but is that red, white, and blue leotard supposed to be a thong?

Killer said...

Can I be your younger, cuter side kick.

mist1 said...

I, too, have a thing for super heroes. While I haven't developed any super powers, I do have quite a collection of capes. I find them to be quite slimming.

Margaret said...

it's all in the tayloring, and it sounds like you'd spare no expense on the right cape.

chad said...

i can be your massure, chef, and yard boy who, given enough time, may be able to build you a palace on the side of a mountain. but... i can neither be a thousand guys at once nor can i be 25 years old. do i still qualify?

desiree said...

You have my vote, your majesty.

I've always wanted to be a warlock (not a witch, even though that is the feminine and I am a chick) but I fear I would get a kick out of using my powers for evil way before I ever got around to using them for good.

Liz said...

Othur,

When I am a superhero with complete control over your free will, I will make your job to keep me wegie-free.

Killer, You already are.

Mist, HA!

Margaret, Your comment immediately promotes you to "wardrobe consultant". Thanks for the keen insight.

Chad, bring it. You'll always be 7 weeks younger than I am.

Desiree, We are cut from the same, self-serving cloth I am afraid. I must have you terminated. Although your casting of a vote in my favor DOES sway me... I may need a superhero understudy. You in?