Sunday, January 21, 2007

5 Things You Don't Know About Me

To Eek from Liz:

All are welcomed and encouraged to comment, but this post originated from Eek's post on what you don't know about her. It's funny, and if I knew how to create a link to it, I would.

It's pretty difficult to list 5 things you don't know about me. There are some things I want to keep secret, such as where I work and, ummmm, Killer, where I live, but over time these things occasionally leak out too. I think, though, I'll be able to pull 5 things out if you promise not to hold them against me.

  1. Until I was probably 30 years old, I thought Gout was a sexually transmitted disease. My former boss kept talking about his Gout and how much it hurt. He was so free with his comments. One day I finally said, "Dude. You need to cut the Gout talk. That's just nasty." After about 10 minutes we realized how off base I actually was and had a good laugh. Now that I've been enlightened, my association with Gout and STDs has not changed. It's one of those situations where you KNEW something was true and even after finding out that you were wrong, you still can't shake that core belief. My Gout beliefs are firmly solidified and every time I hear the term "Gout" I wonder "Who did you screw to get that? You must be a nasty whore."
  2. I have Gout.
  3. I am 35 years old and still get these very childish crushes on men. I have "work crushes", "bar crushes", and "blog crushes". Just to lay it on thick and give myself a good laugh, I will imagine my crushes inside a cartoon heart.
  4. My goal is to drive the car I'm driving now for at least 2 more years. That will make it 7 years old. It's not like it's a nice car, either. I bought a new Corolla in 2002. It has several dents and dings, a severely cracked windshield, stains all over the place, and smells like an ashtray. I love the freedom of driving a hoopty. I spill something, no biggie. I burn it with a cigarette, so what. Just another scar. I know people at work judge that my car isn't a fine, new ride. That puts pressure on me that I don't like and only adds to my resolve to junk Deigo up even more. I never bathe him and I always park in lots as close to the shopping carts as I can get. I don't care if he gets bruised. My next car, at 37 years old, will likely be my grown up car. I'm not yet ready to make the leap.
  5. When people say that they don't like animals or don't like music, it takes a lot for me to forgive them. I am more apt to understand that you don't like your parents or even your child than I am to understand how you can't love an animal or appreciate The Rolling Stones, Todd Snyder, Waylon, or AC/DC. I'm also pretty harsh on people who don't think Seinfeld or The Office is funny. And people that don't see benefit to traveling should be shot. I guess you already knew I was opinionated, so #5 may not count.
  6. I made rib bone wind chimes a few weeks ago with my friend Shanna and they are awesome. Blogger is not allowing me to upload any photos, but I'll try again on another post. I'm always thinking about how I could supplement my income, but I never do anything about it. I think rib bone wind chimes would sell. Seriously. I know that sounds gross, but they really are cool. Damn. I wish I could show you.

Killer, Eek wants your thoughts too. I'm afraid to know what I don't already know about you. But your public is waiting...

7 comments:

Bam said...

Well Liz I usually resist treating your blogs as I do Killers but I will give in today.
1. The office sucks not just sucks but sucks in a golf ball through a garden hose way.
2. I have gout and did contract from having sex but in my defense Killer told me that is was not communicable.
3.Ahh Animals.... anything that must rely on others to make it tolerable olfactory wise must die. Including killer. (by the way I have a couple of dogs that i love)

Churlita said...

I do that crush thing too. I call them my imaginary boyfriends and don't give them names just place associations. So, I have the grocery store boyfriend, my bar boyfriend and my library boyfriend. It can be really fun until it becomes pathetic and then it's time to find a new one.

mist1 said...

I remember my grandpa talking about his gout. I never knew that it was an STD. I wonder if Grandma knows how he caught it.

chad said...

i think i was over thirty before i'd even heard of gout. more embarassingly, until at least the age of 25, i thought that instead of 'throw caution to the wind', people said 'throw kosh into the wind'. i never bothered to try and figure out what the hell kosh was.
and liz, don't think i don't know that you're imagining a cartoon heart around my face right now.

Burg said...

I can't wait to see those wind chimes...

EEK said...

Where do the rib bones come from? Pigs? Chickens? Dead hobos? I must know.

I have a crush on my co-worker (nicknamed: sexy Matt) and my pharmacist (nicknamed: sexy pharmacist). I hadn't imagined them in cartoon hearts prior to reading your post, but I am now.

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