Monday, January 01, 2007

What Would You Bring?

Killer, pissing off the natives.

Setting: Four nurses sitting around the nurses station eating cookies. Alarms are going off, people are calling for help, but that can wait. We have cookies.

RN1: If we are all stranded on a deserted island what is the one item you would want?

RN2: I would want a big box of matches so I can make fire and stay warm. I hate to be cold.

*nods of agreement with murmurs of approval.

RN3: I want fishing supplies so I can get some food.

*more enthusiastic agreement. RN2 now looks dejected that her match idea has been bested.

RN1: Well, I would want a Bible so I could pray to be rescued.

*sudden back pedaling by 2&3. The Bible was understood, they want a second chance.

Me: I would want a baseball bat so I could hit you guys and take away your items. I could fish, then start a fire to cook the fish.

*2&3 laugh and a discussion begins on the weapons/traps they could make out of fishing wire and matches to stop a bat wielding lunatic on a deserted island.

RN1: (looking aghast) That is really not fair. You would actually hit someone and take their Bible?

Me: No, I wouldn't want your Bible. On the deserted island, me and my bat would rule. I would start my own religion, quickly making your Bible obsolete.

RN1: I would use my Bible and start a church on the island.

Me: Well, my new religion would have church services that were centered around all you can eat fish fries.

*RN1 turns to 2&3 and very seriously asks:

RN1: Who's church are you going to join?

*2&3 are obviously enjoying tormenting RN1.

RN3: If he has all the fishing supplies and matches, we would have to go the fish fry church.

RN1: (standing in a huff) I'll pray for your souls.

Me: (as she storms away) I'll fry some fish for yours.


chad said...

i'd bring a big-ass battle axe and hack your precious baseball bat into 5 or 6 useless pieces.

did you have this conversation during your stint in tupelo?

Liz said...

Thank God this is a short-lived work assignment for you! You are only days away from getting a reputation.

Margaret said...

praise be to killer!

Churlita said...

They don't call you Killer for nuthin', do they?

I used to work in a clinic and I tried really hard to keep my mouth shut around the christian nurses. When I would say stuff like you did, they would always tell me how funny I was. It was so cute that they thought I was kidding.

Mel Francis said...

Our Lady of the Fish Fries. Now that's a church I could attend. Daily even.

othurme said...

I would bring a boat..stocked with food and beer and satellite TV and a fireplace to burn bibles in.

Fringes said...

Nurses attend church in California?

mist1 said...

Will your church have tartar sauce?

EEK said...

I'd bring an ice-cream maker.

Cover Your Mouth said...

I'd bring my ACLU lawyer.

Liz said...

You know this goes in the "best of" category, don't you. This is really funny to me.

apositivepessimist said...

Hi. Hello. Normally, I'm a lurker here.

That was shit funny.