Sunday, January 07, 2007

Where is my celebrity divorce?

A plan for Killer

I was watching the television, which is a great invention by the way, if you don't have one you should pick one up. I was watching the television (t.v. in today's hip street slang) and K-Fed, the most recent winner of the palimony lottery, is getting a lot of sympathy press and air play for his new CD, which I highly recommend you avoid like the plague. As a matter of fact, I want to start a new saying, "Avoid that like a K-Fed album". His only real talent appears to be dancing and knocking up stupid celebrities. I don't know if you have seen Jamie Kennedy in "Malibu's Most Wanted", but that is who I think of every time I see K-Fed.

He's going to be a millionaire, and all he had to do was walk around in a wife beater and a trucker hat. I could do that. I even have an authentic trucker hat I bought ten years ago at an actual truck stop. I don't have a wife beater t-shirt. I've always been afraid my man-boobs would hang out the sides. But, it would be an investment for my future.

I have even narrowed down the field of celebrities to marry. I think I will try the Olsen twins. Sure, I'll have to push them together to make one small size female, but I am willing to try.

My plan for this year is:

-Find Trucker hat in storage unit.
-Buy wife beater T-shirt.
-Go to gym so man-boobs don't hang out of wife beater.
-Hang out where the Olsen's twins hang out.

I can wing it from there. Once I get divorced, if you say you read this blog, I will buy you a new car.

8 comments:

mist1 said...

I almost had a celebrity divorce. We were never quite married, but I sat outside his house for a week straight which is as close as I come to a commitment. It could have been beautiful if not for that lawsuit.

Margaret said...

you are my new spiritual leader.. your plan is blilliant!

othurme said...

I'll take a Ferrari and hope my man boobs don't hang out the sides.

Jester said...

Who gives a shit about man boobs when you're rolling in money?

I had a celebrity divorce. But the whole relationship was/is a secret, so I got nothing out of it. Except a song written about me. And I can't pay bills with a song...

Mayren said...

true you could be K-fed2 since you're name is Killer but Kill-ex doesn't work for you the same as Fed-Ex does for federleeezee. Seriously. Kill-ex sounds like another version of RAID for cockroaches or something.

fringes said...

Another great post. Very funny.

desiree said...

Dude, I not only read it but I comment on it. I get dibs on the first car handed out. Just try not to accidentally lose one of them in a shoe or have one fall between the car seat and the middle console. You can't get a big lawsuit if you lose one of them in a load of laundry.

Liz said...

I've always wanted to divorce Larry Hagman.