Monday, January 08, 2007

Magnificent Lounge Pants

Lounging Liz Laments:

I am so behind the times. I am JUST discovering how satisfying it is to wear lounge pants. How do you people who have known about the beauty of lounge pants ever get anything done? Mine are red with Guns N' Roses printed all over them. That makes them doubly satisfying.

I need some help with lounge pant protocol. Can I wear these under a skirt and appear fashionable? Is it ok to wear them without underwear? Can I remove the tie-string that came with the lounge pants? I never use it. How often do I have to wash these? Is once every two or three weeks ok if I'm not wearing them to a wedding? If I sleep in the all-together, does that mean that the mustard spill on my right leg is A-Okay? It's not like I'm transferring germs as I sleep. Are lounge pants acceptable for "casual" day at work? Can I wear them on a Tuesday since they aren't jeans, as the dress code prohibits?

Who knew comfort could be so complicated?

I fear that my lounge pants may give the impression that I've given up on life. It seems like lounge pants would make the opposite statement. Instead of, "Hey, I'm comfortable, screw you," lounge pants could mean, "Hey, I'm comfortable screwing you." After all, they slide off easily and there's no unbuttoning or unzipping to complicate things.

But I'm probably not comfortable screwing you, so I guess I'll confine them to the house for now.

I was on a date with a fella once. I asked him if his pants had pockets and if he would mind holding my keys. This is a snippet from that conversation:

HIM: Of course my pants have pockets. Do they even make pants without pockets?

ME: My pants don't have pockets, that's why I'm asking you to hold my keys.

HIM: Weird. Pocketless pants.

ME: I know. I hate these pants. Every time I wear them, they piss me off.

HIM: I don't wear pants that piss me off.

NOW I understand.

9 comments:

mist1 said...

As soon as I walk in the door I put on my lounge pants. I have several pair, although I prefer to wear one pair for two weeks before switching. I wear them to the gas station, the grocery store, my neighbor's house, and once to my local dive bar (they've seen me look worse).

There is rarely a need to wash them. Just pick them up off the floor (assuming that you ever take them off) and put them back on. Stains are okay, because hell, you were lounging. That's what it's all about.

I could go on about the beauty of lounge pants, but I just realized that I'm still in my jeans.

I swear, this is my favorite post of the day.

Liz said...

Thanks for the props and the useful tips on how to lounge appropriately.

chad said...

as i long time lounge pants addict, my expert opinion is that one should NEVER wear anything underneath.
now it's time to make you jealous. for about a year and a half, i've been the proud owner of a pair made of 100% thai silk. they set me back about 6 bucks. i'm wearing them right now and if i could get away with it, i'd never wear anything else.

Margaret said...

so, do the lounge pants have pockets?

EEK said...

I only have one pair of lounge pants, which were given to me by my mother for Christmas about three years ago. They're hot pink with a painfully flourescent snowflakes and stripes motif. Due to their age and the repeated washings, the fabric has shrunk up several inches, which gives them that nice 'waiting for a flood' look. There's nothing more flattering than a pair of pants that are slightly too short for you.

I wear them pretty much every time I lounge winter or summer. My washing policy is to toss them in with my bedding every Sunday. Underpants are optional.

Red said...

Mmm, lounge pants. If I wear them with a hoodie I feel like a homeless person, but with a cami I'm the happiest person alive. I'm going to buy more at Old Navy tomorrow. And boycut undies with cherries on them! Yay.

Liz said...

If I start my own blog, I'm naming it "Magnificent Lounge Pants". People are passionate about their pants. The bond that unites!

Yes, my loungers have pockets, but with these pants it wouldn't matter.

Chad, $6 silk loungers? I AM jealous! But I'll bet they leave pee circles- around your knees, of course... I've heard stories and even caught a glimpse the last time you crashed at my place. ;)

Killer said...

When my pants piss me off, I piss in them.

Liz said...

Things I'm grateful for:

1. Not being Killer's pants