Friday, January 19, 2007

Grooming Habits and Other Such Things

Befuddled, Liz Asks:

Is grooming yourself in public unacceptable?

I'm often found brushing my hair at my cubical but that's almost out of a medical need. If I don't keep it brushed it mats up and then no one is happy. You may also catch me applying powder or lipstick. Guilty. But what about these two incidents:
  • Black male: clipping his fingernails, all 10, in the middle of a meeting and letting the clippings fall on the floor
  • Black female: pulling her chin whiskers out, in the middle of a meeting, while carrying on a conversation with me

I mention the race of the "offenders" because I don't know if it's a cultural thing. Both of the people are educated, intelligent, and good natured. Both are over 40 and certainly not new to the work environment. I could be a "Mrs. Manners" prude here, but I find both of these personal grooming habits disgusting. I don't want to see these intimate acts performed in my presence. What's next? Norelcoing your balls during break? Waxing your bikini area in the office supply closet? Popping your zits at the lunch table? Digging your bellybutton lint out during Sunday Service?

I have also noticed that women's facial hair appears to be on the rise. I cannot look away when I see a woman with a goatee. And there is a lot that going around these days. Sometimes the hair is light in color, but thick in girth. Other times the mustache is so prominent I have to look for boobs to have a clue as to the gender. Then there is that whole curly but splotchy beard that some women have. My god! I'm always on the verge of saying something, but what do you say? "Wax that mustache."? "It's called Nair, bitch."? "Something about you reminds me of my dad."?

I will admit that I may be a little overzealous when it comes to grooming. This is the primary reason my purse weighs around 15 pounds and why airline stewards ask if I'd like to check my bag when I approach the counter. But I don't clip and pluck and trim in front of others. I don't WANT people knowing where my stray hairs lurk. I freak out just thinking about my fingernails laying around the conference room. What if somebody is murdered in there? 10 pieces of DNA scattered under one chair. Too risky.

I was once at a Widespread Panic concert and the concession woman had a mustache, beard, and a very hairy chest. All of this was in direct contrast to her size DDD chest, which was crammed into a frilly and low cut shirt. She wore a gold necklace with a medallion which I stared at when ordering my beers. Each time I would go back to the concession area I would get in her line. I wanted to see if the medallion was twisted in her chest hair before the end of the night.

It was mesmerising.

The woman was actually sort of a pretty lady, I mean under all the hair. I just wonder if she had problems getting dates. If I were a guy and my girl had a 5 o'clock shadow each day before I did, it would be a deal breaker. But as I said, maybe I'm just a prude.


Killer said...

I don't think I would want to date a girl with more hair on her body than me, but to accomplish that she would have to be an ape.

You have given me the perfect performace for when I see you next week. I am going to norelco my balls on your couch.

chad said...

i normally like to save my smegma-wiping sessions for the nearest upcoming train ride, but i would LURVE to be side-by-side with killer just to see the amount of damage we could do to your couch.

Liz said...

I don't know why I ever let either of you know where I live.

Churlita said...

A friend of mine once asked me how some women could be so confident walking around with all that facial hair. I told her I thought that they were probably lesbians and maybe other women who loved women were less critical of that than men. I'm one of those in favor of people grooming...In private, of course.

Liz, you may also think about getting some plastic on your couch cushions.

mist1 said...

I don't groom in public. I do it in the car while driving.

fringes said...

It's not a cultural thing. No need to mention race next time unless you simply need to add a little color to your story.

Liz said...


Ha! I agree. My stories, as life, are colorful enough! I've got to stop calling Murry "My Asian Friend Murry" and quit refering to my nemisis as "that dumb ass cracker".

briliantdonkey said...

Kind of scary that you brought up female facial hair as your topic today. I had a run in with it just the other day and was planning to blog about it as well.