Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Things You Should Invent...Please?

Liz is thinking but not doing:

There are several things I think could make life better if they only existed. I do not have the financial resources to build a laboratory to invent these things and I have the attention span of a 3 year old when it comes to manual labor. Therefore, I'll just share the concepts.

  1. magnetic outdoor Christmas lights. Uses include on your car (Tack-Fabulous) and, if you'll put some magnetic strips under the eaves of your home ONE time, you can throw those lights up year after year with the greatest of ease. PERFECT for metal mobile homes!
  2. design your own font. I think it would be cool if I could use my own handwriting on the computer. I have nice penmanship and, thanks to Verdana or Times New Roman, am not getting the recognition all those years in grammar school should be affording me.
  3. the "nap sack". I don't know if everyone spends as much time sleeping in his car as I do, but I find the seat to be less comfortable that I would like. I think cars should have the option of an inflatable, pillowy soft cushion so that reclining for that quick power nap is actually a joy rather than a necessity.
  4. An option to go with the nap sack is a hologram device that makes it look like no one is reclining in their car taking a nap. I sometimes find it awkward to sleep in my car at work. I get paranoid that someone is going to think I'm not "working" just because I'm in the parking lot taking a nap. People are always judging me. If there was a way to make the car APPEAR empty, it would help me relax and get to sleep faster. That would mean less time away from my desk.
  5. the self lighting cigarette. I spend an ample amount of time in bars or around drunk people. Sometimes lighting a cigarette is a major ordeal. When you get it wrong, not only did you waste a good smoke, but the smell of a burning filter is horrific. I guess the cigarette would have to ignite when the mouth end came in contact with something wet. This means smoking on the beach could become a hazard; not to mention the ramifications of a Clinton-Lewinsky-cigar romp.
  6. self-starting panties. We all know that men are easily aroused and some even have the audacity to complain that women take too long to "get there". Wouldn't it be nice to have a motorized pair of drawers that could start the action before hand? It's the gift that would keep on giving, but someone is going to have to figure out how to make this work without noise. I am afraid this invention has the potential to be abused. Can you imagine the Monday morning staff meetings? BZZZZZZZ HUUUMMMMM... it could become awkward.
  7. the "no, I haven't been drinking" blood alcohol modulator. Since the penny under your tongue is a wives's tale, it's about time someone took the fear out of a night of good old fashioned binge drinking. The "that's not marijuana in my urine" kit sold separately.
  8. a gaydar ring. Any gay man within a 6-foot radius will cause the ring to glow in rainbow colors. If I fall for one more gay man, I am going to become one myself.
  9. the brush stroke. The hands-free device that perfectly fixes your hair while you're doing more important things such as napping in your car.
  10. the pedicure midget. I'm not thinking this would be a real person or anything, just a tiny shoe that did pedicures for you.
  11. the "every shot of me is a good one" camera. It would slim you up and airbrush your imperfections before ever revealing any image. It would only work for the owner of the camera, as you sometimes need those blackmail shots.
  12. an "I'm not interested" LCD headband. Actually, you could have a headband that scrolled a lot of different messages across it. This too could become very dangerous after a few vodka tonics, but man wouldn't it be fun! Especially if you got a hold of your friend's headband without her knowing!


mist1 said...

I'm opposed to the self-lighting cigarette. That's like my number one ice breaker.

Liz said...

MIST! I was sooo expecting you to have a comment about the vibrating panties! I'm a little disappointed.

briliantdonkey said...

Self starting panties.......three settings,,,,,,low, medium, and who needs a man. I am totally against this idea, though in principle it sounds good.

Julie_Gong said...

I always wanted someone to invent a transporter ala Star Trek. I don't mind driving places its just when I'm hung over and have to drive home that I want to start kiling people. Plus it would make traveling in general and abroad so much more convenient because I could bring gallons of liquid if I liked.

Killer said...

You could have the panties if you just stuck your cell phone down there, and have someone call you.

Pedicure midget!?! I am offended for pedicurists everywhere.

EEK said...

I'm with naps are pretty awesome. For the past year, I've been taking the train to work so I don't get to partake in them during the work day as often as I'd prefer. I drove to work on Tuesday, though, and all I looked forward to that morning was taking a nap in my car that afternoon.

Every large office should have a 'napping room' for employees all set up with cots and stuff. I'd probably take a thirty minute nap everyday.

Deezee said...

Not to be the nerd here, but one of your desires exists...

Anonymous said... Vibrating-Panties-w-remote

copy and paste self stating panties do exsist yay!!

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