Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Liz Has a Comb Over

Killer dissin' Liz (for the publicity)

Leno vs. Letterman, 50 cent vs. Ja Rule, Biggie vs. Tupac, and the Donald vs. Rosie. Until recently I thought these were all silly, meaningless squabbles. It was all evidence of immature adults, acting like children.

But recently, I have found reason to see the light. I wrote a seemingly innocent post about some imaginary Olympic sports, that I thought I could win. Instead of training myself to fit in the already formulated sports, I decided it would be easier to start a new sport that fit me. In an attempt at a weak segue I mentioned an Olympic sport that I did not really know much about, and assumed none of you did either. I apparently brought offense to a die hard Trampoline fan. Normally I would give a mild rebuttal and move on, but the rebuttal was met with more friction. I was flabbergasted at the unkind words and apparent anger that maligned trampoliners can muster. I debated, "Should Killer Rants close shop? What would Liz do when she was drunk, if not blog?" Liz and I nurtured this blog from our bosoms. (true Liz's are slightly bigger than my own) If our beloved creation should now be used in such a manner to cause heartache and woe for others, should it not be put down?

Then I saw the numbers rolling in. It received the most comments for a post, not discussing my balls, ever. That is the feedback we strive for, we yearn for, we drink heavily for not receiving. Does a good controversial verbal rumble really draw in the crowds? Is the Donald calling Rosie "a fat pig" only to gain free publicity? Did Biggie and Tupac kill each other only to sell more albums, posthumously? Can I start a blogging battle with my good friend Liz, just to see if my site meter still works? Yes, yes I can.

Liz is a campy, flamboyant gay man in disguise. Every over the top stereo type of a gay man you see on television is Liz to a tee. A few years back Liz even showed up to our mutual hangout with a black and white cow fur- leather Harley hat. A hat straight out of "the Blue Oyster Bar" from the Police Academy movies.

There, I have fired the first volley. If I was more talented I would write a rap album, and pepper it with clever slurs against Liz, but this will have to do.

6 comments:

Mel Francis said...

word.

Churlita said...

You just better hope that Liz doesn't join the olympic trampoline gymnastics team, or your sedentary, uneducated ass will be in big trouble. After her last post about administering spankings, we might all want to be careful.

Fringes said...

You don't need that much talent to rap. You even already have the right name, Killa.

But you must immediately drop the words "pepper" and "clever" from the vocab. They don't rhyme with much and they make you sound like a white male registered nurse who knows nothing about true Olympic sport. That won't sell many records, my Kramer.

othurme said...

For the last effing time, it's not "trampoline gymnastics", it's just trampoline. This blog has sunk to insulting all of my favorite things in life....trampolines, spankings, rap music...will no one defend the honor of these monumental symbols of the American way? Anon? Doc? We need your help!

apositivepessimist said...

I've just been too frigging shy to comment on yer balls. Heh. Yeaaah right.

I must have missed those posts.

Oh no, it's that keraazy trampolina. Back to leave more dastardly comments.


arhaaha yer word verification is CRZsomethingsomething.

Liz said...

Thank you Churlita. I can already see that you are on my side. This is wise as Killer is a SELF PROFESSED "fat jolly guy" and, although I deny it, I am a REPUTED Bitch.

In the showcase show down, Bitches 1, Fat Jolly Guys at home yanking off.