Thursday, January 11, 2007

Anal Retentive About Anal Retention

Yesterday I was admitting a woman into the ICU. She was unconcious and two of her daughters were there to give me her history. Usually this involves asking some very basic questions that I have asked so many times I tend to just blaze through them.

After asking the standard, "Does she have any allergies? What medicines does she take at home? Etc." Then came one of the more bizarre questions, that if you are not in the medical field, you don't really understand the need. "Do you know when she had her last bowel movement?" The usual answer, unless you have to change her diaper, is "I don't know".

Daughter one said, "She goes atleast three times a day. She gets very stressed out about her bowel movements."

Daughter two added, "Oh yes, her bowel movements are extremely important. She is anal attentive about it."

Daughter one looked at two and said, "That doesn't sound right. anal attentive, is that the right word?"

Daughter two retorted, "I'm not an idiot. That is a legitimate thing to say." She then looks at me and asks, "There is nothing wrong with that statement is there?"

I, being eager to get back to my book and not understanding why I was suddenly the English language expert, said, "Well, considering she was obsessed with having three bowel movements a day, I would say anal attentive fits the bill."


briliantdonkey said...

phew! seeing the title I thought sure this was going to be an ER like bowling ball stuck in someone's arse story. I'm just saying is all. "million to one shot doc, million to one!"


mist1 said...

There is nothing wrong with being anal attentive.

Churlita said...

So, you who are so good with words, what do you call someone who is the opposite of anal attentive?

EEK said...

Anal inattentive, perhaps?

I can't imagine a job that involves active discussions about bowel movements. My boss just accepted a position at a company that processes nuts. To be polite I was trying to ask intelligent questions about the nut industry. Part of the conversation went like this:

me: So they process nuts for both generic brands and name brands?

boss: Yes.

me: Is there a discernable difference in quality, or are they just sticking the same nuts in cans with different labels? (this is where I started to blush)

boss: The quality depends on the size of the nuts. The larger the nut, the better the quality.

me: So what you're saying is that the branded labels have bigger nuts, while the generic labels have smaller ones.

boss: Yeah.

me: That's fascinating.

othurme said...

Opposite of oral attentive?


othurme said...

oops...I meant anal attentive....but prude works in both cases.

Burg said...

I'd have lost it when she said "I'm not an idiot."