Monday, January 08, 2007

Immigration control

Killer glances nervously about

There is definitely a conspiracy occurring within me. First George, my fatty tumor, set up camp on my jaw rather than keeping with his own kind in my stomach region. Now I am finding hair growing in places it should not. I guess it is partially my fault. The lax border control policies allowed waves of migrant hairs to colonize my back. I now have small settlements popping up from inside my ears.

Don't try to use the liberal excuse of over crowding from population growth. This aerial photo clearly shows mass regions of abandoned real estate.

So the grounds not as fertile as it used to be, adapt people, learn a new trade. Education is the key to success. Not packing up and heading for the vast untapped resources of my back. That's protected national reserves.

I don't want to risk a Middle East style conflict. I believe in a semi-autonomous group of regions all controlled by me, but with special consideration for their different needs. The fat that resides in the abdominal region has different needs and priorities than the hair that is now making a mass exodus from my head. It can quickly become very confusing and unsightly, unless everyone is kept properly separated.

Now with the ear hair, I don't understand what they find appealing about the area. It's a dark desolate region. Maybe it is a strange religious cult that is looking for seclusion.

I guess they could pick a worse location. The hair on my butt gains my deepest sympathy. Horrendous wind storms and torrential mud slides make for a less than ideal location. It reminds me of Native American reservations. Yeah, you were forced to live there a long time ago, but the land sucks and you should probably move. Basically, unless my butt hair has opened a really profitable Indian casino on my balls somewhere, I don't understand why they stay down there. (Sorry, no photo provided)


briliantdonkey said...

well? which is it? Sorry? or no photo provided? Can't be both!


Churlita said...

What? Don't you have a copy machine at work that you can sit on? It can't be that hard to provide documentation of the mudslide region, can it?

mist1 said...

Nothing a little Nair Extra Strength can't handle.

Red said...

Brilliant label! I wish I could steal it. Hell, I may anyway.

chad said...

have you considered removing hair from down below and implanting it up top? you would, however, run the risk of eventually having a big bald ring surrounding a circle of resilient butt-hair.

EEK said...

Bikini waxing is always a viable option. It hurts like hell, but having a well-groomed crotchal region screams classiness.